M: I should have never left.
J: You had to leave!
M: No. I didn't have to. I thought it was for the best. For OUR best... I shouldn't have left.
J: We are strangers now...
M: No, we're not... it might seem so, cause it's been so long...
J: That's no different.
M: In feeling, it isn't. But...
There was a long silence.
M: ... I still love you. I love you so much. I love you even more than before, and we've survived! We really have...
J: I didn't. You should have left me months ago.
M: I got you into this. I didn't let you go. I did all the wrong things. Hate me, please, hate me.
J: I did. I don't anymore.
M: Do you even care?
J: No, I don't care. You can do whatever you want, I will never love you again, ever. Never ever, and she crossed her arms.
M: I will always love you...
And in a moment she went from stone cold to crying her heart out.
J: Just... hold... me...
And he did. And they looked at each other's rings...
J: I'm sorry. I just...
M: You don't have to say anything. We're here now, love. Love is everything...
J: Yeah, she said, wiping the tears off her cheeks, yeah...
M: See, you're still alive... we're still here...
J: (sobbing) Yeah...
A long time ago:
J: Don't you dare go away now!
M: I'll be back. You know it!
J: I don't know if I can live without you...
M: Remember what I said? Remember that I told you I know I'll be fine without you, if we ever broke up?
J: I hated that. You should have never said it.
M: I should have never... I was wrong. I thought life always goes on, but it doesn't. We go on, our lives might stand still... You are my life. I mean it! I love you and I always will, and I won't ever be the same without you.
J: Don't go away...
M: I'm not going away away, I'm just ... You know what? I can stay. I can stay if you want me to.
J: Then stay.
She crossed her arms.
M: I think we can make it here too. Really! I don't have to go...
J: Yeah...
M: I'm a jerk, even for thinking I could leave you. Why do you love me so much?
J: There's never too much, you know that...
M: There might be... we never know...
J: Please go. Don't stay here, we both know that's what you have to do.
M: And you?
J: I'll make it. I'll come to you. I'll work my ass off and I'll follow you, baby.
M: You have the power, you know... you should never doubt that. You're the strongest woman I know...
J: No, I'm not. I'm just strongly in love with you...
M: That's half right. I love you too. But it's not true, you do know how to suffer, but you aren't weak, and we're in on this... we both believe in... us. You'll be alright, everything will be alright, we'll be together forever... You're... you...
And in one sentence he wished to say it all. All what?
M: I'll be back.
J: I'll miss you...
M: I'll miss you too...
J: Don't cry...
M: You don't cry...
They were wiping each other's tears.
There weren't any great words to be said. What for? Just to make it even harder to handle? No, all they could do was look at each other - one last time - and head away, for a long, long time.
He was thinking: I love her, run back, grab her, hold her, show her one more time that I will be back, that I will be with her, that we'll both be alright, I love her...
She was thinking: I love him, I love him, please, bring him back to me, please, don't make me feel hate, I love him, I love him, please...
They weren't even leaving and they were already picturing their next day together...
Back:
He was back.
M: Three words: I love you.
J: I love you too...
M: I missed you...
J: I missed you too.
M: Baby...
All they have is love...
Find all LSS here
Thursday, May 03, 2007
[Long story short] Five
Monday, April 30, 2007
[Long story short] Four
The next summer, they were on the beach again. M and J. Holding each other. Ah, what it means to believe in love!...
M: You inspire me.
J: I've been told...
M: Modesty. Not your style, huh?
J: You are so foolish... We're all so, so foolish...
M: Forever and a day, you and I...
J: Just you
M: YES!
J: King and queen of the world
M: You make loving fun, fun, fun!
J: I wouldn't mind getting in between the sheets with you...
And they kept spinning and spinning...
Last year:
M: So, what do we do?
J: What do we always do?
M: Fight? he remembered
J: That too, but...
M: I want...
J: To spend a holiday in your arms.
M: To make chocolate cake with you. Do you think we have time?
J: Mmm, chocolate...
M: I've been thinking...
J: Do you realize we've been together four months?
M: That's...
J: So much...
M: Where did they go? he cried.
He was sad.
J: Don't. Please, don't.
M: I don't want to go. I don't want to have to leave, ever. Leave you, leave all of this...
J: You're not leaving me. You're not.
But he wasn't there. His tears were racing down on his cheeks.
J: Please, stop! What's wrong? Please, stop!
M: I can't stop. I can't stop loving you, he tried to smile his way out of it.
J: You don't have to stop. Listen to me, you don't have to... it won't be long before we see each...
He passed out.
Hours later...
M: I'm such a fool.
J: We're all fools...
M: I can't bare it. I can't handle leaving you. I can't...
She took his hands and wrapped them around her waist. She held his head and pressed it on her chest.
J: Listen to this, she said, if you won't listen to me!
His tears disappeared, suddenly. He was there. But, then again, he wasn't there. He was...
Hours later...
J: M, my feet are numb. We've been staying like this for a while... can you let me move, just a bit?
But he didn't reply. She freaked out...
J: M, can you hear me?
She pushed him away and grabbed his face with her palms. No, he wasn't dead... thank God! He was just sleeping.
J: But... but... we're in the...
... park, she was about to say. But what's the use? He was smiling, in his sleep. He fell asleep with a smile...
She didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to close her eyes. She looked up, at the sky, her eyes all a reflection of the thousands of stars out there. He was there, with her...
How could he faint? How could he cry like that? How could the sky be so dark?
Suddenly, without realizing what she was doing, she stood up and stared at him. Time passed. He was there. He was there, with her... and he wasn't going to be there soon. He was going away. Will he come back? Will he still love me?
But their love was... so...
She walked. Slowly, away from him. She was crying now, too, and she started to run. And she ran till her legs couldn't stand it anymore. Her eyes full of tears, her breath horribly rushed, her heart wanting to explode.
J: But he was there, with me... HE WAS THERE!!! she yelled
Then she made a decision. One that would change her whole life...
It was almost morning. She ran for hours. But, finally, she was there: a jewelry shop.
J: Hi.
X: Hello, can I help you?
J: Yes, I'm here to get an engagement ring. Well, two... For me and my... future...
But she stopped. X could see, she had tears in her eyes.
X: Let me help you. What are you looking for?
J: Just show me what you have.
She knew. That second she knew that just by seeing them, she would know which pair to pick.
But X couldn't help wondering why her face was sad, and why she cried so heavily. She looked tired, worn out, but glowing.
J: Please tell me you know what you're doing!
X: What's that?
J: Oh, she blushed, I was just... talking to myself.
X: Here's what we have. I'd recommend...
But X stopped. Her eyes were glowing, she saw what she was looking for.
J: Blue. How much are these?
When she heard the price, she collapsed on the floor.
J: How on Earth could I afford that?
She was hearing voices. She was in doubt. She was... thinking of him.
J: I need them tonight. Now. Is there any conceivable way that I can pay for them later?
Probably all her life.
X looked at her. Couldn't possibly do this to the girl, couldn't say no.
X: Okay, here's how it is. You give me what you have now, and leave me your ID. Then you can pay the rest some other day, but soon.
J: Okay, she thought.
Maybe he wouldn't take it and she'll just bring it back... but no, she mustn't think like that. Today, now, she will get to him. And they will say those words...
X: There you go.
J: Here's my ID.
X: You have a great day, okay? And try smiling sometime.
J: Thank you, and there was a faint trace of one.
He woke up.
M: Where is she? to himself
She had never left him before. And he was cold, he was tired, he was... leaving in two days.
M: Excuse me, sir, what time is it? he asked a stranger
But then, he saw her, and forgot to hear the answer to his question. She was running. So was he.
J: You. We need to talk.
He could see - she cried all night.
J: We have to...
She took a deep breath.
One day, one time, there was a he and a she. They were in love. And he was leaving, but not for good. That day, he promised her that he'll be with her again, soon, so, so soon. And what's a couple of years when you compare them with a lifetime of togetherness?
Nothing.
That moment, something got into her. She wanted to do this, and she wanted to do it right, and funny, and lovely like he made her feel. He told her she was beautiful, everyday, and sometimes she felt it was too often, but never dared to tell him.
She called him baby, everyday, and sometimes he felt it was too often, but never dared to tell her.
She took off her jacket and laid it in front of her. She knelt down, and pulled out a small little box from her back pocket.
J: I think I have to ask you something.
He was stunned. He was... smiling. For the first time in a long time.
M: I think I want to hear you out, he almost whispered.
J: It took just four months for me to know. Sometimes, when I think of you, I see a house, a dream, a life, the magic place I want to spend my life in. I walk into that house, and it's you. It's all you. You're the one who built it, you're the one who made it come to life. It's your heart - my house. And I feel at home in there. And I'm here, today, kneeling on a jacket in front of you, to ask you this...
his mouth was open...
J: Will you, M, marry me?
That night:
J: Sometimes, the answer is in the sky... but there's no stars up there without you next to me. You're taking all the stars.
That day, very late, he took her home. Then, he went to the jewelry store - the one they both knew, the one she must have visited.
M: That should cover it. And, please, when she comes here, just give her this...
A cube.
On the front face, there were two giraffes, holding hands, staring at each other, and a big "YES!" right between them.
M: ... oh, and, please, show it to her this face first!
And he walked away, thinking he'll see her again, soon, and thinking of her goodbye words: You inspire me...
When she woke up there was a chocolate cake on her bed. Her name was spelled with whipped cream, and under it there was a phrase: "Forever and a day, you and I"
Find all LSS here
Saturday, March 03, 2007
[Long story short] Three
M: Sometimes I feel that no matter what I do I'll never even have the chance to begin my "project" in this world. There's always something missing. For some reason, when I can think it, me, when I realize what I want to do here, with my little piece of this puzzle called The Universe, I'm overwhelmed. And I feel that I have known, thought, understood and felt so much of this place, and yet so little...
J: I love you, you know...
M: The world is a fascinating place...
J: You think the world is one whole?
M: One lonely whole?...
J: Yeah, like one... lonely... whole...
M: I love you too, baby.
J: Baby...
M: What do you see when you look around you? Are things there, is anything happening?
J: It might be a dream. But I would be sad only shortly, if it was, cause, after all, it's a dream with you...
M: That scares me. What you just said. That makes it possible for us to be just brains in a jar. If man were given what he needs I don't think he could believe that the world is not real, I really think he would have to struggle against his own self to believe that it's an illusion.
J: Sometimes I get the feeling that you're living at a totally different level from me. And then I remember how much of you I have (pointing at her heart) in here. And then I know we're on the same level. The fact that I can feel everything about you, that I can even know and understand it, always makes me speechless. I dunno what to say...
M: Sometimes when I look at someone I desire full perception, I want to intrude inside of that person and see the world through his or her eyes. And I want that so much that I can almost feel it's real. I'm not sure if it's even close to the actual thing, but, to some extent, that doesn't even matter.
J: Yeah, because, in fact, you can never know for real, with your mind, what the inside of the other is like. That's why you should always listen carefully and not judge - cause you don't know. And I guess the only way we work in this world is by giving meaning to things, even if they don't have one. Even if it's the wrong meaning.
She took off her top.
J: See? This is a bra, right. But, in itself, it wouldn't exist if it weren't for us, human beings. The only reason this object means a bra to me is because I think of what a bra is, and my concept of it is mine alone. Someone who hasn't seen one doesn't know what it is.
M: I've seen one.
He smiled.
J: (smiling) Yes, you have, and you can have this one, she said, walking towards him and throwing it.
M: I love it when we talk philosophy before...
J: Before what?
(silence)
M: When I think of what matters to me I've got a dilemma: is it you, is it love, or is it simply everything in the world, but with you on top?
J: (climbing on top of him) Ya playin' with me, boy?
M: No... He was laughing. No. I mean that, are we the reason for the world?
J: That's a riddle we can never solve, isn't it? All I know is...
M: All we know is, dear.
J: All we know is that we can't help loving each other.
M: Right. Maybe love is such a thing that you can't even realize when you're feeling it. Cause I feel that I've got no problem in the world. Yet, I cannot comprehend what I feel about you. I think of you, I picture you, and you're so familiar that I can't feel anything except that you're a part of me.
J: That's strange. When I think of you, when I imagine you, I feel you inside too. Hey, you're right... is this real?
M: Yeah, see, cause it's inside. Everything is inside, we're reducing the world. Or, maybe it's transcendence?
J: Well, real or imaginary, it's a story, our story, and as long as I am you and I, and you are you and I, I can honestly say that I'm happy. Not that I'm not going to make something of myself, or live for myself as well, but, in a way, I can't just for myself. I'm addicted to you... Her breath was so close now that he could feel her warm exhale.
M: You know what Nietzsche said about relying on God? I feel that every one of us should try, as much as possible, to make it on his own, or, at least, not expect help from God. Help from others, yes. And if there's a heaven up there, you and I will meet again. But, regardless of that, there's a heaven down here, there's a life here that we have to live.
J: And I know best how wrong running away from this life is. Now shut up and kiss me!
She was anxious. This was their first time on the beach. She pressed her lips onto his.
---
They were touching, side by side. Lying on the sand. Staring at the sky. The sunset...
M: You and I?
J: No. We... all...
M: We're here to live, and even that might not be true. I'm here to make a big difference, I have my ambitions...
J: Maybe I could change the way people are seen and understood, you know? I'm not that smart, but...
M: Stop it. Any human being on this planet could do quite a lot for the world. Even a bunch of little things! Little things make a big difference. And no, actually you are smart.
J: Why do you believe in me so much?
M: I don't... I believe in me, and (smiling) it just "happened" that you're (pointing at his heart) around, too.
J: Right. Wise ass.
---
J: There's so many unanswered questions...
M: Yeah...
J: You know that cliche about listening to your heart? It's true. That's where the answers lie.
M: The dreams. The beliefs. The hopes. The ideas. Everything has to do with our heart in the end. And...
J: ...and even if it might be just a part of our mind, or something, living is so connected to feeling that, that... you just can't live without...
M: You can, but...
J: Love.
M: That's the key. Love and you won't be afraid. Love is everything. "If there's no love, there's nothing!" ([RO] M. Preda, "Cel mai iubit dintre pamanteni")
They cuddled. It was much past time to sleep, but their eyes were widely open.
J: The sky is beautiful tonight.
---
M: Sleep well, angel...
J: You're my angel!
M was slightly blushing.
Find all LSS here
Sunday, September 24, 2006
[Long story short] Two
Back to One
J: I just remembered...
(silence)
They are lying on the grass again. He, and she, and nobody else. It's dark. Julie and Martin.
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: I love water. Falling water, actually... I felt it again today. It's amazing how feminine it makes me feel: I wanted to kiss the water, to embrace it, to press it against me. I felt like I was not there, but somewhere else... You know, this was really the first day I realized I could feel like that in the shower.
J: It's quite a song water sings, everytime...
M: At one point, after minutes and minutes, I thought you must have showered in it too. Maybe not the same water, but... what if... and, even if not, water's everywhere. It was near you, I felt it; and I also felt close to you because of it... I felt that I could send you my love through the gentle flow, and it would travel oceans and clouds and be right next to you. All the time. Forever... I could've kissed something you touched, right then... I could fly then... and reach out to you...
J: Maybe that's why I like to take a bath, you know... surrounded by water everywhere, I'm... safe. And it's warm, and gentle, and slow... Water is slow and fast, don't you think so? And maybe you are there. I didn't realize...
M: Time was different; I could feel it passing by; so slowly... I turned my back from the shower (cap) and felt the water flowing on my back. And I thought what if you were surprising me, what if you jumped on my back right then. In the wet mirror in front I saw me, slow me... but I was moving so fast, and it was always with me... the water. The water falling... Water falls...
J: Waterfalls.
M: Waterfalls. Let's imagine...
J: A waterfall!
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
(She jumps straight up.)
J: Hey! I didn't scare you?
M: I know. Strange, isn't it? I'm naturally very scared, but not from you. You...
J: I... thought of something. I thought we should draw something together.
M: A waterfall?
J: Maybe...
M: Wow...
J: Hey, I just realized... that water can also kill. How can such a romantic existence do evil?
M: Maybe it's not evil... It doesn't kill by itself...
J: Yeah... yes! Kiss me!
M: You are my waterfall...
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: What color are you?
J: Does it matter?
M: Doesn't it?
(silence)
(silence)
J: I ... you.
M: ... you too...
J: Me too. You know what? I'm water! I wanna be water right now. Embrace me, like you did this morning, show me how you felt!
M: You are my waterfall... what if you're green?
(silence)
(silence)
J: I am greenish. I couldn't be green... I'm water!
M: This is your soul, my waterfall. And I can be right in the middle of it. L...
J: (slowly) O...
M: (slowly) V...
J: (slowly) E...
(silence)
M: I want...
J: I WANT... you. But we are only human... and you cannot go through my soul.
M: L-O-V-E
J: But you can be water, and I can be water. And we can feel each other's gentle touch and soft embrace. And we can kiss the flow, and go with it...
(silence)
J: And be together, in the middle of the water, falling.
M: Waterfall.
J: Waterfall!
M: Our waterfall! Hold me from holding you or hold me tight. As tight as you can, because you can't break me. I am water...
(silence)
J: L-O-V-E
(silence)
J: What color am I?
M: Does it matter?
J: Can water fall up?
M: It can evaporate... it can... be a cloud! Let's say it can fall up! I feel I'm falling up, so...
J: I know...
M: ... you
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: We can be any color...
J: ... you... too... too.
M: You are white. You are pure...
J: You are blue. You are clear...
M: You are red. You are passionate...
J: You are yellow. You are meditative...
M: You are green. You are natural...
J: You are black. Mysterious...
M: You are pink. Joyful...
J: You are purple. Peaceful...
M: Like the sunset... You are orange. Warm...
J: Like the sun... Brown. Huggable...
M: Like a tree... Tan. Delicate...
J: Like skin... Silver. Purifying...
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: You are my color...
J: You are my color...
M: What color are we?
(silence)
J: Water. Water is our color...
M: We are a waterfall.
J: Water can fall up...
M: Our waterfall...
M&J: (together) Our waterfall!
(silence)
(silence)
J: Kiss me!
(silence)
(silence)
... the end
Find all LSS here
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
[Long story short] One
And so it began...
"It would be like following a path... ", Julie said.
M: "You would think that a man knows when he does not 'follow the path', but, actually... he has no idea."
J: "Really? But didn't man, according to Christianity, take a bite from that tree... to discern between good and evil?"
M: "By the way, the biblical account of the creation of human beings occurs twice: in Genesis 1:26-27 and in Genesis 2:18-24. Did you know that, in the first account, the Hebrew common noun adam was used as a generic term for all human beings, regardless of gender; Eve was not mentioned at all; and, in the second account, Adam is created from the dust of the earth, whereas Eve is created from Adam's rib and given to him by God to be his wife?"
J: "So, in a way, we are all adams, aren't we?"
M: "All the same... to God. Just like grass is all the same to us..."
J: "I think, if I were to relive the same day over and over, I would become some sort of God, for that day. Not 'the' God, but a God."
M: "Exactly... just ask yourself: What if there were no tomorrow? Maybe that's how God sees things: one, and only one. No time, no space... just... a continuous TODAY. For us, time changes... and God is always the same, I believe. Don't you see how different we feel each day? Sometimes, I go to sleep extremely happy but wake up just... a tormented fellow; maybe I try to do some exercise, but I'm so not in the mood for anything. God, how much I wish there was one thing I could do every morning to wake up my mind and soul... to feel and think like I'm supposed to. And what's even more frustrating: if I don't sleep, I feel like I'm living a continuous day; yesterday's memories feel like today's, and I feel full ... of what exactly? I don't know."
J: "I love the feeling I have when I 'go back to my life' after a long chat like this. Sometimes I wish we could sit and talk more often, but then I think it might not be as wonderful if we did so... Why are we like this?"
M: "I think we need a repeating day every now and then - to figure out what the hell we're doing with ourselves. You think you know who you are, or what you do right and wrong... Turns out, you have no idea. That reminds me of Sartre. In his early philosophic work, Being and Nothingness, he conceived humans as beings who create their own world by rebelling against authority and by accepting personal responsibility for their actions, unaided by society, traditional morality, or religious faith. Distinguishing between human existence and the nonhuman world, he maintained that human existence is characterized by nothingness, that is, by the capacity to negate and rebel."
J: "Most philosophers since Plato have held that the highest ethical good is the same for everyone; insofar as one approaches moral perfection, one resembles other morally perfect individuals. The 19th-century Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, who was the first writer to call himself existential, reacted against this tradition by insisting that the highest good for the individual is to find his or her own unique vocation. Doesn't that sound familiar to you? Isn't it, in a way, what we hear today? Too bad it was deformed so much since it was stated by Kierkegaard. As he wrote in his journal, 'I must find a truth that is true for me . . . the idea for which I can live or die.' Maybe it's because anyone to caught-up in an idea loses perspective upon things. As the french would say: "je m'en fiche". People get caught up... they lose perspective. Do they ever have it?"
M: "If man could just feel. Wake up and feel! Feeling feels so great... They, the 'modern human beings', say that there's too much information around them to care for everything. But... but... everything means something, everything brings something up. Nowadays people just walk by beggars, sometimes not feeling a thing. And, if they do... it's not anything unusual, they know the feeling, they know 'what it's like', it's no big deal... And to think that everything we see is a miracle... How many times would I repeat a day until it's perfect? It's pointless to say... a lot. Maybe a thousand, maybe a billion. And will I at least know what to do with my life every day from that day forward?"
J: "No... I don't think so; you'll still need a reminder every once in a while. Because people just can't learn, Martin, they just can't learn..."
