Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Benjamin Franklin
List of what to never say. I'm trying to learn. And why does it always have to be the hard way?
For that, I have no answer. Still, here's a list.
For all of these and more that I can't remember (shamefully), I'm sorry. I'm sorry...
(You live, you learn, right? - Alanis Morissette song)
(last 2: or, as I wrote a while back: always remember never to say never)
TBC
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
neversayers
Friday, February 02, 2007
Myself
Have you ever had a Déjà vu?
Howdy y'all... I've put a new look on this blog, although I said I wouldn't. But, then again, I was lost. Now I might have found myself again, yet I'm confused. A bit. Funny, isn't it?
I also wrote about the design and about me a bit, check out the About me page.
Lately I've asked myself (over and over) Who am I?, and mostly Who am I for you? And I asked others as well. Gee, it's so nice to know that I'm constantly misjudged and misinterpreted by most people around me...
... but I'm sort of asking for it. It takes a long time for someone to get to know me (or at least to think so), and I always end up doing something new and apparently prove them wrong. Again. "I didn't think you were this way..."
This has simultaneously been my excess and my deficiency... a problem and a solution, ability and inability to recognize who I am, more in the eyes of others rather than my own. I know much of who I am, but others don't. I guess it's true for everyone, to some extent, that people see as much of who you are as possible, but almost never all. However, for me, it's weirder than that...
I suffer from Déjà vu (since I was very little), meaning I feel something happening now has previously taken place in the past, in a strange way. Those of you who have had any Déjà vu feeling at all know how it is like. When I was little I was very confused about this and nothing more - I just figured "hey, I must've dreamt about this before", or "this happened yesterday too", but I knew I couldn't exactly point out what it was that made me feel I had been there before, what triggered the feeling. For some periods of time I thought I was paranoid, or weird. There were weeks when I had a Déjà vu each day, which was amazing. Those weeks were golden for inspirational writing and thinking in general. I always thought Déjà vu's helped me figure out a lot of things about myself that otherwise would probably be unknown to me. A Déjà vu is not exactly like a revelation, even though it feels like that a bit. You're somewhere, sometime and a minor detail of what you're seeing, hearing, or feeling in any way triggers your brain - "this happened before", and you start detaching from reality...
... or at least that's how it works for me. And then I think and think, try to look back and remember: where did I stumble upon this again, what happened before that got me here... again. Again is the key word. Hence, with time, I desperately (well, not quite, but a bit) tried to figure out what made me have them, and I feel I've constantly gotten better at it. It's great. For one thing because some of the Déjà vu's revealed that I really had been there before (once I remember walking nearby a bus station with a friend, and a bus with a certain number passed by, which actually DID happen again, and the friend remembered that too), and for another thing I remember events that I dreamt about or places I've imagined previously, which I wouldn't have remembered otherwise. The Déjà vu can also be related to premonitions, since, if you feel that you've experienced something before, you could think you know how's the test you're going to take, or what will be the outcome of a challenge you're about to face. Indeed, I have taken a test which I had dreamt before, and it really didn't feel at all like I'm solving problems for the first time. I thought I remembered each answer instead of making it up, and after the test I really didn't remember what the questions were, but I did remember the answers.
As a matter of fact, it's important to point out my belief in Déjà vu's since it answers my question: Why am I this way?
Intense events that happened when I was a kid have a strong influence in my life now. In this case, it made me question the nature of life, reality, and reason. I believe I'm a very open minded person, and one of the other things that makes me... me is my belief that you can pretty much be any way you want. And the weird things I experienced when I was young make me treat weirder things that happen now with much more understanding. But they also make me much harder to understand in the eyes of others.
I've read on Wikipedia that "Many theorists believe that the memory anomaly occurs when one's conscious mind has a slight delay in receiving perceptive input. In other words, the unconscious mind perceives current surroundings before the conscious mind does. This causes one's conscious self to perceive something that is already in one's memory, even though it was in one's memory only a split second before it was perceived."
"the unconscious mind perceives ... before the conscious" - hey, that's exactly what happens to me! Or at least the scientific description of it. My unconscious mind... that sonds scary, it's something in me that I can't control... something in every human being. I'm dreaming, or I'm absent, and then I perceive and it unconsciously hits me... Thankfully, I don't seem to suffer from jamais vu! But I've experienced all three Déjà vu's: Déjà vécu, senti and visité (seen, felt or visited), each of them much more than once. For me 'felt' includes smelled, touched, tasted - all of them! And for most of the time I can remember when and where, or how come. Especially for the most recent ones, although it's been a while...
It's all part of being myself!
What does Déjà vu have to do with how others perceive me? Well, even without Déjà vu I have experienced and lived strange things. As I said in the About me, my life's not very unusual, it's just original, like everyone else's I guess. But I've met a lot of people and almost none of them intuited who I am right. This doesn't mean that they judged me wrong or I thought that they did, it only means they told me, or appeared to be surprised when they found out new things about me (what can I say, maybe I'm exciting, maybe not). Only a few intuited who I am, most of which are my friends. Another couple or so had an idea about parts of me... Well, I probably won't intuit who you are either, I'm just saying this so you can see how hardly ever people really know who you are...
So I have a question for you: How do you know you've found yourself?
It sounds like a basic question, yet I have a few issues I'd like you to consider:
1. Since you probably found yourself after an intense event that changed your life, and then see how the way you feel is so right and so much better than what you had before, you believe that this way is THE WAY to be and live. But how do you know there's no better way? And, isn't it possible that your inertia, your desire to remain where you already feel well, safe, and perhaps even happy - all these make you just not ask this question anymore?
2. Finding yourself often means knowing what you will do and make of your life further on, what's your character and what represents you. However, after a while of being the same self you end up knowing lesser and lesser about who you are. How do you keep in touch with yourself once, supposedly, you have found who you're supposed to be? Your need for certainty and knowledge of this certainty might undermine your ability to understand the new and the unknown. If you've found yourself and you're not changing that (well, at least not much), what's your relationship to you from now on? 'Cause if you've found your character, you've got to have a relationship to it, erm... him/her :) based on what? if you already know...
So I think maybe nobody really knows who he/she is, but just thinks so (in the best of cases; most people recognize they haven't found themselves). I'm beginning to believe that finding yourself is not a teenager-type-o' event, but rather a lifetime achievement, just like happiness... not a goal, but a path. What do you think?
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Movie of the month
Since September 2006, I'll post a movie here each month. From any time, any place. Just one I liked, and why...
2007:
August's Choice:
Meet Joe Black
A magical movie, fantasy indeed. Just the lines, music, the whole idea of death incarnate and causality, philosophy of life and death, in short... they all make this movie worth seeing. The trio of actors play amazing roles, and they play them so well...
April's Choice:
Nicholas Sparks Movies
Spend a day thinking about your love...
For whoever has seen "Love story", movies like "A walk to remember", "The Notebook" and "Message in a bottle" are amazing. The soundtrack for the first one, especially, is unbelievable. If I've ever met someone that knows how to portray love in the deepest, noblest and most sublime circumstances, this is the guy.
March's Choice:
Happy Feet
Find the song of your heart...
This movie has the best soundtrack I've heard in a very long time! The story is penguinish, like we're starting to see more and more nowadays, and it is related to a documentary made on the little guys... Love, happiness, it's like a childish musical! Find out the story of Mumble Happyfeet!
February's Choice:
Mr Fix It
Just another way you end up believing in love...
What if you were the guy that fixes all relationships, but you don't believe in love? Perhaps, in fact, that's what helps you do this job with such great success - you always get your client his girl back! This is a way to look at how "cheap" love around us actually is, and how life makes it that you stop believing in it. But then, something happens...
January's Choice:
Just like heaven
A superb movie... it changed my days.
Fictive situation, but one that really makes you think about what love means to you and how unusual us men and women are reacting to it. Love can change the world, and even defeat death. If you're a believer, then I strongly recommend it. And, anyway, you should see it... it might change your view of what's your life like, and what really matters.
2006:
December's choice:
Pursuit of happyness
Read the trivia and goofs after you see the movie! See if you notice them. I didn't...
Go see this with your family. The time you're there makes you think about you and your parents' life more than anything. The mispelling of happYness is intentional, great actually... has to do with the building where the main character's child stays during the day. Nothing I could say would describe the atmosphere in this movie properly. If you've seen movies that show how life is hard, yet also show it's best if you don't give up hope, this lies right beside them.
Also, it's realistic and discusses that bit of the constitution that claims every human being has the right to pursue happiness...
November's choice:
The Lake House
The other stuff (trailer, pics) can be found on IMDB.
Sometimes, it does not matter what you limit reality to. This is an example of a movie where you are asked to disregard time, and look into the people. It's a movie about love, and, for those who know, it has to do with the book Persuasion (forgot the author, you can check in the movie), a story about second chances, kind of. I've felt different after seeing this, and... love felt different too. Makes you think and ponder. Besides, Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves play well together.
October's choice:
The wild
The other stuff (trailer, pics) can be found on IMDB.
Interesting enough, a story about a father and his son - as lions. See, cartoons characters may always be kind of a joke, because they are "for kids", but, actually, they can make you think. A story like in this movie is broad and general, and I always enjoy the friendships and funny jokes cartoons pull-up. If you're a fan of 3D sweet family&friends cartoons, this is for you!
September's choice:
Click (2006)
The other stuff (trailer, pics) can be found on IMDB. If you see/have seen the movie, let me know what you think. Thanks, and enjoy!
Adam Sandler is an actor I like to see on the stage, because he always manages to look outsmarted (really well!), and that's funny. Also, the point of the film, although not so obviously represented (due to the fact that it's meant to be a cute comedy) is that, in your right mind, YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO SKIP MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE. And the bottom line is this: learn from the bad, enjoy the good.
Actually, the behavior of the remote he uses is quite an interesting metaphor for real-life people and how they end up playing the "game of life", so think about that.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Sunt mic, mic. Dar insotit de 6 litere.
Trece timpul pe langa mine... trece viata pe langa mine? Cum se face ca parca n-am disperat vreodata? Am stat calm. "Da, Paul, nimic nu e grav." (Note: This is a lie.)
Ei bine, acum e grav. E timpul...
... sa dau tot ce e mai bun. De la cer pana la pamant nu voi renunta la ceea ce cred. De ce? Pentru ca, in unele momente ale vietii, tot ce-ti mai ramane e ceea ce crezi. Iti doresti, visezi, traiesti... implinesti vise, dar viata trece... si tot cu ceea ce e cel mai important ramai. Ce e cel mai important pentru mine? Nu pot sti cu siguranta, pot simti. Asta cred. Asta simt. Si acum simt ca cel mai important nu e ce, ci cine. Nu, nu e frica mea de singuratate. Nu, nu e dorinta mea de a fi recunoscut. Toate sunt acolo, desigur, dar nu ele sunt. Sunt un copil rasfatat, stiu... Dar uneori e deajuns sa simti, si sa abandonezi totul... pentru ca ai inteles. Sa fugi. Sa te opresti si sa privesti. Apoi sa te intorci. Sau poate nu. Dar orice ar fi, orice s-a intamplat, realizezi ceva. Despre tine, si despre ceilalti. Despre ce si cine conteaza...
Sunt mic. Ma simt atat de mic... si, foarte ciudat, si lumea mi se pare atat de mica. Am citate peste citate, intelgeri peste intelegeri. Viata ma urmareste... nu stiu daca si pe tine. La fiecare pas mi se arata cate un semn, in fiecare clipa am parte de-o coincidenta. Coincidente in care nu cred. Si coincidente care inseamna ceva, ceva special... Pornesc radioul, aud melodia... ma pierd. Citesc o carte, descopar un citat, ma pierd... Privesc o poza, vad frunze. "Ce vezi?" Acelasi lucru. Mereu. Mereu. Si ce e si mai ciudat e ca sunt mic, sunt prea mic, Doamne! De ce asa de mic? De ce nu candva cand as putea sa fiu mai mare, sa pot sa fiu mai intreg... sa nu ma simt atat de inutil? De ce acum cand nu pot sa lupt cu toata energia pe care-as putea sa o ofer? Sunt mic. Pierdut. Pierdut... in realitate.
Bine-am venit! Welcome! Bienvenue!
Si maine ce se va intampla? Da, stiu, o iau de la capat. Dar macar sa cresc. Stii, intr-o zi nu se va mai repeta... intr-o zi vom fi mari. Intr-o zi voi putea implini toate acele vise. Intr-o zi voi fi mai mult decat eu... si pana atunci imi voi ingadui sa visez, chiar daca poate din ce in ce mai putin. Poate intr-unele zile si sa sper. Sunt mii de cuvinte nerostite. Sute de sentimente neimpartasite. Milioane de realitati nesimtite de catre celalalt. Dar ceva e... si oricat de mult m-as pierde eu, oricat de mult s-ar pierde orice altceva si oricine altcineva... acel ceva ramane. Si are 6 litere. Sau opt. Si uneori e tot ce-a mai ramas...
... si uneori e retoric totul...
Monday, October 02, 2006
Wacky links
Every now and then I will post some link I like or find interesting, so... enjoy! You can post your own, of course, and I'll look into it.
Look to the right (Links) for the last date an entry was added.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
[Polls]
This is where all polls will go!
The real youis showing and others can see that but you just need to push yourself that one step further into making and effort.Whether its being friendlier or happier.
Whats the real you?
Make a Quiz
I'm not straaaaaaaaaange :(
You are very slightly strange. This means you are quite normal. You don't exactly freak out old grandmas or anything. You most likely fit in well with the crowd. Hey, it's okay, being normal ain't so bad.
How Strange Are You?
Quizzes for MySpace
Smoochie Cuddlekins is your cute nickname, Cloud Razor T-shirt is your superhero nickname, Long Tooth Big Ears is your Villain nickname, Torn Apart Paper Yoyo is your Monster nickname and Hic-Up-Apple-Nod is your all-out-weird-nickname.
What Nickname Suits Your Personality
Make a Quiz
You have a normal level of horniness and is about average and though u might think that ur a super horny creature, u'r actually not.
So enjoy it!
How horny are you?
Make a Quiz
| what kind of relationship are you looking for Your Result: i wanna love you forever you are a person that is looking for love! deep passionate consuming love! your a hoppless romantic and love moonlit walks on the beach!YOU HEAR WEDDING BELLS | |
| 6 months of bliss | |
| 3 week fling | |
| one night only | |
| what kind of relationship are you looking for Make a Quiz | |
Personality disorder test:
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid Disorder: | Low |
| Schizoid Disorder: | Low |
| Schizotypal Disorder: | Moderate |
| Antisocial Disorder: | Low |
| Borderline Disorder: | Low |
| Histrionic Disorder: | Low |
| Narcissistic Disorder: | Moderate |
| Avoidant Disorder: | Low |
| Dependent Disorder: | Low |
| Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: | Low |
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders -- | |
You can vote on this poll every once a week:
You can vote on this poll every once a week:
My true color is Blue!
What's Your True Color?
The above test inspired me for this poll:
(possibly I'll have some results for it too!)
Monday, April 10, 2006
"Cuvinte intelepte - Quote(s) of the day"
Aici poti pune ceva din suflet (al tau sau al celorlalti), orice citat si orice fraza care inseamna ceva mai mult decat simple cuvinte, pentru tine. Eu am sa pun unul in fiecare zi...
"Trebuie sa faci intotdeauna ceva. Cand crezi cu adevarat in ceva, trebuie sa actionezi. A te multumi sa vorbesti despre actiune este ca si cum te-ai lauda dinainte cu tablourile pe care ai de gand sa le pictezi. E de cel mai ingrozitor prost gust." - John Fowles - Colectionarul. Un indemn care sper sa te motiveze sa-ti lasi amprenta aici...
Monday, April 03, 2006
(RO&EN) "Dictionar de Eliberare" (Dictionary of Free Expression) - sau cum a spus cineva "al Incoerentei"
This is a dictionary. One of ideas that can cross our minds yet have no apparent connection to anything, logical or rational. Feel free to express/define any term in your opinion...
Sau ca sa citez pe cineva: "idei care trec prin minte si n-au legatura cu nimic, definitii de cuvinte, orice - asa, ca o scapare de logica".
Incep eu:
A
alb = Visez sau traiesc? Ma ridic sau cobor? Nu conteaza, sunt inconjurat. Sunt acum, aici, si vad totul... si totul e alb. Alb si frumos, si plin de tot. Alb este fiorul acestei lumi, care o cuprinde in toata intunecimea ei... si "fara speranta" nu va exista niciodata, pentru ca exista alb!
