[Old story] Chapter two - maybe letting go...

Here I go again... Coming up :).
One way, one situation. Let's start over... No meant to be, no not meant to be, no knowing what the future holds in for him. There's a door just ahead. And opens by itself... the only problem is that there's no way to see behind the darkness... the only way to do that is by stepping in it.
"What's your problem?" he sais to the darkness in front of him. "There's no problem really... U just think that because I look like this I ain't normal. What is normal anyhow? How do you know if I'm real or not? Couldn't I be just one of your dreams?" whispers from above him. He heads for the wall and turns on the light.
Next!
I dunno about others... really, but when it comes to me, I write better in first person.
How do people find out they miss others? And how do they miss others? Dunno that.. I find myself dreaming with my eyes open... I'm very good at focusing on stuff... and if I'm not so tired I can flash-back to any period of my life or my dream and return just like nothing happened... I noticed that few people look into my eyes. That's coz there's this huge world behind them. And they know that... I showed one of them this story to see what's it like to find out that i have a side that not everyone knows... Well, this world is full of sufferance... that is mostly unneeded, and especially, too allowed to control. U know I wonder what adults see... Teachers, when they look... I even dream with my eyes open and looking at'em. It seems okay... People have their own problems :). This world would have been dead if it wuz no selfishness. That's what keeps us rollin'... Coz if there's no I, then there's no help.
I sometimes feel like i have to let go of everything.. U know.. the "What i have to do for that one" or "what did i forget to do today"... And I do... I waste my time at the PC or I go outside and take a walk... that's the best way :) It's like.. i've always wondered what is it like to have a full life... And, well, now it's best. Cause i can make it full if i want to, and i can make it back if i dislike it... This is how it's worth keeping. Everytime something emptying strikes i go to my inside world... maybe all this is too usual to you, maybe even to me. But it's worth remembering. :) I've never thought just loving someone could make me happy... But it does... Of course not as actually gettin' 2 b with that somebody... But it feels great. Right now, if ya asked me, i'd say i'll love her forever. Hey.. this ain't so true, but it's how it makes me feel :). Makes me wish I had that power on people... Kinda like do whatever you want with them :). Ain't that some privilege? Okay... all this talking about love stops now :)
I want now to find a way for focusing on sleeping. I need a restart :)... because the more chilled I am while I am awake.. the more dreamy I am when I go to bed... This will end sometime soon... hopefully. Cause I'm very irritable in this mood.. and... i don't like that, even with all the happiness easy and meanless things can get to me, makes me feel a lil weak. So what solution do I have? Hm... i c one, go do some sports. I'll do that... call ppl and make them get together to do stuff.. I dunno.. basketball, ping pong.. maybe smth else.
Hey... like.. what r contests to me? I really can't tell exactly why I ain't worried.. well.. saturday i could... coz it wuz no problem, i wuz already going for info... but what about when i wuz in info last week? How come I didn't worry at all? I feel strange to know that I hadn't thought of them almost at all until i wuz facing the problems...hmm.. this has never happened 2 me before.. Still, even with all this sleepless nights I feel pretty good.. Gosh.. if I wuzn't this happy, not sleeping would have really gotten to me.. but like this.. neah.. i don't really care. I should! Just like I should listen to the radio, and read some books that i've been recommended... or play some games... Or learn some computer shit that I've seen.. hm... well.. if i did all those i'd be too good :)... why ain't i doin' that? what is will anyway? Sometimes i find it so easy to get up from here and go do some good deeds... and other times I find it hard just to go eat.. or to go out with some ppl.. Will is more like if the idea clicks something inside ya or not... or if it seems unworthy just coz u don't feel like it... yea.. will may be something moody... It all depends :)... I like how "Man is not a rational being" sounds, makes me feel good.. It really is like that :). (Me out of energy.. pause game.)