M: Sometimes I feel that no matter what I do I'll never even have the chance to begin my "project" in this world. There's always something missing. For some reason, when I can think it, me, when I realize what I want to do here, with my little piece of this puzzle called The Universe, I'm overwhelmed. And I feel that I have known, thought, understood and felt so much of this place, and yet so little...
J: I love you, you know...
M: The world is a fascinating place...
J: You think the world is one whole?
M: One lonely whole?...
J: Yeah, like one... lonely... whole...
M: I love you too, baby.
J: Baby...
M: What do you see when you look around you? Are things there, is anything happening?
J: It might be a dream. But I would be sad only shortly, if it was, cause, after all, it's a dream with you...
M: That scares me. What you just said. That makes it possible for us to be just brains in a jar. If man were given what he needs I don't think he could believe that the world is not real, I really think he would have to struggle against his own self to believe that it's an illusion.
J: Sometimes I get the feeling that you're living at a totally different level from me. And then I remember how much of you I have (pointing at her heart) in here. And then I know we're on the same level. The fact that I can feel everything about you, that I can even know and understand it, always makes me speechless. I dunno what to say...
M: Sometimes when I look at someone I desire full perception, I want to intrude inside of that person and see the world through his or her eyes. And I want that so much that I can almost feel it's real. I'm not sure if it's even close to the actual thing, but, to some extent, that doesn't even matter.
J: Yeah, because, in fact, you can never know for real, with your mind, what the inside of the other is like. That's why you should always listen carefully and not judge - cause you don't know. And I guess the only way we work in this world is by giving meaning to things, even if they don't have one. Even if it's the wrong meaning.
She took off her top.
J: See? This is a bra, right. But, in itself, it wouldn't exist if it weren't for us, human beings. The only reason this object means a bra to me is because I think of what a bra is, and my concept of it is mine alone. Someone who hasn't seen one doesn't know what it is.
M: I've seen one.
He smiled.
J: (smiling) Yes, you have, and you can have this one, she said, walking towards him and throwing it.
M: I love it when we talk philosophy before...
J: Before what?
(silence)
M: When I think of what matters to me I've got a dilemma: is it you, is it love, or is it simply everything in the world, but with you on top?
J: (climbing on top of him) Ya playin' with me, boy?
M: No... He was laughing. No. I mean that, are we the reason for the world?
J: That's a riddle we can never solve, isn't it? All I know is...
M: All we know is, dear.
J: All we know is that we can't help loving each other.
M: Right. Maybe love is such a thing that you can't even realize when you're feeling it. Cause I feel that I've got no problem in the world. Yet, I cannot comprehend what I feel about you. I think of you, I picture you, and you're so familiar that I can't feel anything except that you're a part of me.
J: That's strange. When I think of you, when I imagine you, I feel you inside too. Hey, you're right... is this real?
M: Yeah, see, cause it's inside. Everything is inside, we're reducing the world. Or, maybe it's transcendence?
J: Well, real or imaginary, it's a story, our story, and as long as I am you and I, and you are you and I, I can honestly say that I'm happy. Not that I'm not going to make something of myself, or live for myself as well, but, in a way, I can't just for myself. I'm addicted to you... Her breath was so close now that he could feel her warm exhale.
M: You know what Nietzsche said about relying on God? I feel that every one of us should try, as much as possible, to make it on his own, or, at least, not expect help from God. Help from others, yes. And if there's a heaven up there, you and I will meet again. But, regardless of that, there's a heaven down here, there's a life here that we have to live.
J: And I know best how wrong running away from this life is. Now shut up and kiss me!
She was anxious. This was their first time on the beach. She pressed her lips onto his.
---
They were touching, side by side. Lying on the sand. Staring at the sky. The sunset...
M: You and I?
J: No. We... all...
M: We're here to live, and even that might not be true. I'm here to make a big difference, I have my ambitions...
J: Maybe I could change the way people are seen and understood, you know? I'm not that smart, but...
M: Stop it. Any human being on this planet could do quite a lot for the world. Even a bunch of little things! Little things make a big difference. And no, actually you are smart.
J: Why do you believe in me so much?
M: I don't... I believe in me, and (smiling) it just "happened" that you're (pointing at his heart) around, too.
J: Right. Wise ass.
---
J: There's so many unanswered questions...
M: Yeah...
J: You know that cliche about listening to your heart? It's true. That's where the answers lie.
M: The dreams. The beliefs. The hopes. The ideas. Everything has to do with our heart in the end. And...
J: ...and even if it might be just a part of our mind, or something, living is so connected to feeling that, that... you just can't live without...
M: You can, but...
J: Love.
M: That's the key. Love and you won't be afraid. Love is everything. "If there's no love, there's nothing!" ([RO] M. Preda, "Cel mai iubit dintre pamanteni")
They cuddled. It was much past time to sleep, but their eyes were widely open.
J: The sky is beautiful tonight.
---
M: Sleep well, angel...
J: You're my angel!
M was slightly blushing.
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Saturday, March 03, 2007
[Long story short] Three
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