I'm on vacation in Las Vegas. That doesn't really mean the same thing to everyone who reads this. I'll write something short, that I was made to think from... a movie.
Imagine this moment:
... You're on the street and find you're short of a dollar to getting something you really need (supposedly). Of the few people around someone looks dressed like he has money. And you ask him for a buck... but he was even poorer than you, he was... POOR. He gives you the dollar without saying anything, even though he might not eat that day...
The tern second that this happens the world turns around. Values... fate, decisions... what are they?
Thursday, December 28, 2006
The tern second
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Cine? Tu. Ce? Eu. 2.
O poveste (A story)
(LANG = RO)
Schimbarea nu vine singura. Daca astept astept astept, degeaba. Nu, nu merg nicaieri, nu asa. Prost.
Prost.
Prost.
Prost.
Nu stiu ce-am crezut. Nu stiu ce cred.
De ce nu sunt pierdut?...
Sunt singur, mic, neputincios. De ce oare tin atat de mult sa tin la mine?
Nu, de azi, nu mai imi pasa. Nu mai dau doi bani pe mine. Am murit.
Nu stiu daca o sa renasc. Dar sper sa nu mai fiu la fel. M-am saturat.
Ce ma ajuta sa nu ma dau cu capul de pereti? M-as duce chiar acum. Ar fi bine. Ma duc, si daca e, poate ma intorc. Ziua e lunga, am timp.
Cretin.
Stupid.
Inert.
Mort.
De ce sa lupt pentru ceea ce cred, cand pot sa caut fericirea in alta parte? Sa nu mai lupt.
E mai bine fara.
Nu...
Dar nu pot...
Nu pot...
Vreau sa doara mai tare. Ajuta-ma.
Cateodata pare usor, pare banal, nu pare grav. Cateodata.
greu
complicat
grav
_-_-_
Love means never having to say "i'm sorry"
-_-_-
Love means sometimes it's beter to let go
_____
Pot? Nu pot.
Nu pot? Ba pot.
Ba nu pot...
Ah, dar daca...
dar...
dar...
Ma invart in cerc.
Azi, am terminat cu mine.
Azi, nu eu fac, face el. El, noul eu.
Noul eu nu e eu, e cineva. Hotarat, dar care nu stie,
visator, indragostit, paralel, afectat.
schimbator.
spontan.
greu de digerat.
nu stiu cum sa-l fac. dar imi jur, azi, 16 decembrie ora 3:35PM ca nu ma dau batut pana nu scap de mine. vreau sa-mi evadez. definitiv. sa nu ma uit, dar sa plec.
intr-o zi (visam demult) o sa-mi iau 3 carti, un creion si un ghiozdan (acel ghiozdan) si o sa plec, sa stau afara, nu in casa. cu sau fara oameni. cu ea in suflet.
asteptam demult momentul asta. am cautat-o singur, am vrut subconstient probabil... mi-am facut-o cu mana mea. am facut raul si acum sunt motivat. asta cautam?
orice ar fi, ma lasa gol pe dinauntru. ce poate fi mai rau... se poate si mai rau? Se poate.
ce-o sa fie, ce-o sa fie?
Me: trebuie
Me: sa uit tot ceea ce sunt
Me: sa iau de la capat
Me: sa-mi aduc aminte
Me: cine eram
Me: si sa uit
Me: problemele
Me: si sa uit
Me: reactiile
Me: si sa nu uit
Me: ce conteaza cu adevarat
...
Si sa uit tot. Si sa nu uit... nimic.
Vreau sa dispar, si sa apar la loc.
Cand? Niciodata. Niciodata n-o sa zic niciodata. Iata, n-am zis niciodata!
De azi, eu nu mai sunt. Nu mai contez. Sau contez abia dupa restul (echivalent). Fac ceva, tot timpul. Ea va fi intotdeauna.
Nu mai fortez nimic. Adresez, comunic, sper.
Ma rog mie.
Ma rog, sau nu ma rog? Nu ma rog.
Nu merit.
Mai bine sunt praf.
Distrus.
E prea tarziu.
Eu pot fi distrus, dar ea nu. Ea din mine nu. Ea va fi mereu.
Refuz sa cred. Refuz sa accept.
Ma blestem singur.
De azi, eu nu mai sunt.
Niciodata nu e prea tarziu. Lupt, traiesc, pentru acelasi lucru. Pentru acelasi om. Ma duc oriunde si, daca trebuie, ma fac orice. Am puterea? Nu conteaza. Prefer sa ma distrug pe drum, decat sa pierd neincercand. Nu. Mai bine innebunesc, imi iau mintile, decat sa nu incerc.
Uneori e mai bine sa nu intelegi. Suferi in tacere. Marturisesti dupa.
Dupa ce?
Iti dai seama. Ai gresit? Mare lucru. Inca o greseala dupa care sa nu faci nimic.
De azi, eu nu mai sunt.
Nu ma asteptam sa scriu azi. Dar eu nu mai sunt, deci, ma asteptam.
Eu... accept. Sunt jalnic.
Sa nu te iei de mine. Te voi rani.
Stai departe! Pazea!
Nu, nu ti-e adresat tie. Pe tine te ranea el, vechiul eu.
Si eu, eu ma apropii. Si astept un semn de "vino", astept sa-mi faci cu degetul.
Dragoste, nu ma parasi.
Nu ti-am cerut niciodata nimic... si nici acum nu-ti cer. Poti sa ma parasesti. Dar eu te voi urma. Si nu ma dau batut.
Nu ma dau batut.
Chiar daca ma distrugi.
Dar daca o distrugi?
Aici e aici.
Da-i drumul, spun.
Nu-i da drumul, nu-i da drumul...
Intinde-te pe iarba si priveste cerul. Intoarce-te spre pamant, si priveste-l. Unde vrei sa fii?
De ce sa visam? De ce nu alegem realitatea... e mai putina suferinta, daca accept adevarul: da-i drumul, spun.
Nu-i da drumul, nu-i da drumul...
Te rog, lasa-ma.
Lasa-ma sa-i dau drumul.
Eu sunt a ta, eu sunt al tau. Tu esti a mea, tu esti al meu.
Nu te voi pierde.
De ce nu?
Sunt hotarat. Sa ne luptam.
De azi, nu mai sunt eu.
De azi, dispari!
Nu vreau sa te mai vad.
Mi se face scarba.
Da-ti cu pumnii in cap, si pleaca.
Petrece toata ziua singur.
Intr-un tomberon.
Si nu-ti mai imagina ca e roz, ca nu e roz. E gunoi.
There's shit in your head.
Pierde-ma. Te rog.
-_-_-_-_-_-
Ce poate schimba un om?
N-as fi crezut...
ca e atat de greu...
N-as fi crezut...
ca atata timp n-am vazut nimic.
N-as fi crezut...
unde eram, si ce faceam? la ce %*#@$ ma gandeam?
N-as fi crezut...
Dar acum voi crede.
Ai dreptate, tu.
Tu, si eu. Si nu, nu e mai bine.
Da-i drumul, iti spun.
Lupta. Singur daca trebuie.
Nu. Da-i drumul.
Intoarce-te. Intoarce-te de unde ai plecat. Nu uita cine esti. Nu uita ce conteaza cu adevarat...
Pentru ea...
Pentru ea...
Nu. Nu putem fi de acord. De azi, nu mai esti eu.
De azi, nu mai sunt eu.
De azi...
Nu mi-e mila de mine. Distruge-ma. Vreau drama, vreau sa vad ce poti. Arata-mi ca nu mai esti eu.
Sunt doua cuvinte.
Acele doua cuvinte.
Acele doua cuvinte pe care vreau sa i le spun.
Nu, nu sa i le spui.
Nu, nu sa i le spun. Sa le stie.
Sa le simta.
Sa le simta...
De azi, nu mai sunt eu.
Da, nu mai esti eu.
Te iubesc.
-_-_-
Te iubesc? Ma iubesti? Ce poate fi mai simplu...
-_-_-
Te iubesc? Ma iubesti? Mai complicat nici ca se poate...
Am un pisoi. E vechiul eu. Nu mi-e mila de el.
Nu sunt un pisoi.
Nu, dar gandesti ca un pisoi. Faci pe dos. Ce vrei sa faci? De ce faci invers?
Nu, nu fac. Fac ce vreau. Am vrut sa o tin. Sa fie a mea.
Dar e a ta.
Dar e a mea?...
Ti-e frica...
Frica... nu mai zice asta. Taci.
Nu tac.
Ar trebui sa taci.
Lupta.
Lupta.
Lupta!
Cu cine? Pentru cine?
Cu tine. Pentru ea.
De ce pentru ea?
De azi, nu mai sunt eu...
Nu. Nu merit asta. Vreau sa traiesc si eu...
De azi, nu mai sunt eu...
Eu nu contez. M-am saturat. Sa ma lasi in pace, eu. Eu n-am nevoie de tine, eu.
Eu. Eu. Eu.
Care eu? Niciun eu.
Tu. Viata.
Viata. Tu. Orice... Vin dupa tine. Tu = ea.
Nu veni.
Nu te vreau.
Nu asa. Nu asa vin. Vii tu... Vii tu...
Eu nu mai lupt.
Tocmai. Noi am castigat deja. Eu, si tu. El (eu) nu mai e. De azi, nu mai sunt eu.
(Vechiul eu:) As da orice.
Dar nu mai e. N-as da. Nu merita.
Metrou, in metrou mi-am imaginat prima data. Vorbeam cu mine...
Ea nu era acolo.
Si acum e?
Da, e... si e... un inger. Straluceste.
Si?
Si tu... devii transparent. O sa dispari.
Nu...
De ce? Nu e rau... De azi, nu mai sunt eu.
Accept.
Ascult.
Inteleg.
... pana maine. (Daaa, pana maine). Asa ziceam si eu. Hai, pana peste o luna.
Nimic nu s-a schimbat. Nu te cred. A mai fost.
Da. Nimic la eu nu s-a schimbat. Dar de azi, nu mai sunt eu.
Abureala.
Da.
Nu mai citi.
Nu mai citesc.
Vreau sa-ti vorbesc. Vreau sa-ti strang mana. Vreau sa te privesc in ochi, si sa-ti spun cu mana pe inima ca nu te voi mai rani niciodata.
Daaaaa, right.
De azi, nu mai sunt eu. Eu nu vreau tot. Eu vreau doar suferinta ta... sunt fericit cu ea. Vreau probleme. Vreau provocari. Vreau sa-mi spui ce nu e bine la mine. Vreau sa fii sincera, asa cum esti. Ma iubesti. (Rimez)
Punct?
Semnul intrebarii.
Contrast. Nu?
Eu nu mai sunt.
Buna.
Buna.
Sper.
Eu ascult. Eu sufar. Eu zambesc atunci cand imi aduc aminte sa o fac.
Dar dragostea?
Da, o sufar si pe ea.
De ce nu-mi dai drumul?
Te iubesc.
Si?
Am incredere in tine.
In mine... abureala. Atunci mi-ai da drumul...
E mai bine... e mai simplu...
Ce pot face eu pe o foaie? Ce pot face eu cu litere?
Ce poti face cu orice?
Nu pot face nimic. Pot doar sa sper, sa lupt, sa accept, sa inteleg. Pot sa incerc.
Cat de neoriginal. Ai mai zis asta.
Stiu. E fara speranta.
Da-mi drumul. De ce ma tii?
Poate... ar trebui sa iti dau drumul.
...
Nu poate dura la nesfarsit.
Intr-o zi n-o sa mai putem duce. O sa fiu o carpa. O sa stergi cu mine pe jos. Sau eu cu tine... desi nu cred.
Si nici macar dragostea nu va putea sa te aduca inapoi...
Nici macar. Dovedeste-te.
De azi, nu mai sunt eu. Tocmai de aceea... nu-ti cer sa ramai. Nu-ti cer.
Nu-ti cer sa lupti.
...
Esti libera. Ma pregatesc. Vin dupa tine, cand sunt gata.
De azi, nu mai sunt eu.
Vino dupa mine...
Visez. Visez...
Da. Speri... degeaba...
1... 2... 3... Cine nu e gata, il iau cu lopata.
Afurisitule. Esti incoruptibil. Tot tu ai ramas.
De azi, nu mai sunt eu.
Intr-o zi ma vei distruge cu totul.
Nu si daca ma opresc la timp. Inainte. Inainte de a incepe iar.
Si pana atunci ce?
Pana atunci... tu. Trebuie ca tu, si numai tu.
De ce imi faci asta?
Ai zice ca sunt egoist. Am incredere in tine, de asta...
Me: trebuie
Me: sa uit tot ceea ce sunt
Me: sa iau de la capat
Me: sa-mi aduc aminte
Me: cine eram, cine erai
Me: si sa uit
Me: problemele
Me: si sa uit
Me: reactiile
Me: si sa nu uit
Me: ce conteaza cu adevarat
Abureala. Nimic nu s-a schimbat...
Citeste, cuvant cu cuvant, litera cu litera. Citeste: Te iubesc. Am lovit in tine, si m-am distrus pe mine. Iarta-ma, iarta-ma, iarta-ma. Iarta-ma, caci sa lovesc in mine am vrut. Am gresit.
Dac-ar fi doar atat...
Nu e doar atat. De azi, nu mai sunt eu. De azi, sunt mai al tau decat am fost vreodata. In sfarsit.
Oare?
S-a schimbat ceva?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Logophobia!
Another interesting article of Bob Kelly from Wordcrafters Inc. came out. I've excerpted a small interesting part below...
Quote
-----------------------------------------------------------
LOGOPHOBIA - AND HOW TO CURE IT!
-----------------------------------------------------------
This language of ours certainly isn't easy! It's so full of twists and turns that it can easily
lead to a severe case of logophobia. For example, consider the following statements, each of which
uses two words which are spelled the same but have different pronunciations and meanings:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert in the desert.
7) He thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections, my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Another source of confusion can be homonyms, words which sound the same but have different
meanings. Their misuse can lead to glaring errors. Consider the following examples we came across in one
professional magazine: We may have become complaisant (should be "complacent") about it; It
includes a well-educated populous (should be "populace") all over the globe; Management styles are
beginning to waiver (should be "waver").
Then we have to deal with the problem of antilogies, defined as "contradictions in terms or
ideas." These include words which have two opposite meanings. For example:
Buckle: fasten together; fall apart
Critical: opposed; an essential support
Downhill: getting easier; getting worse
Knockout: collapse; triumph
Overlook: watch over; ignore
Quite: slightly; exceedingly
Ravel: tangle; untangle
Temper: harden; soften
Trim: reduce; embellish
Logophobia, by the way, is defined as "an excessive fear of words." If you're suffering from that
malady, we may have the exact remedy you need. Give us a call; there's never a charge for the
initial consultation.
EndQuote
© 2006 by Bob Kelly. All rights reserved.
Published by Bob Kelly
Resident Wordsmith and Quotemeister
WordCrafters, Inc.
www.wordcrafters.info
Monday, November 20, 2006
Happiness: just another proof of inertia?
I have a lot of things to talk about now. I'm not sure how and why now, and how come I have so many ideas, scrambled, again. It's strange, but, then again, I don't pretend to be/write as a normal person.
I feel that what I'm mostly gonna talk about has to do with happiness. And love. And self...
Hey, I can do whatever I want. I am in control of my own life. I can do it. I am FREE. I am able. And I can, I have the will, the strength, the power. I will not be afraid. I will not surrender to others. I will be self-reliant. I will show myself that I can do it. I will only hesitate where my heart has doubts; but when it doesn't, I will pursue. And succeed. I will not let myself be persuaded by other people using reason solely. Reason is not a means to happiness. I will stand up and represent myself, for if not I, then who? Yes, I can change the world. Yes, I can change myself. I will listen to the sounds the leaves make while falling on the earth. I will listen. I will be there when you need me, and nowhere else. I can speak for myself. I can think, and my thinking has value. I am a human being, not a puppet - and as little as that might mean, it's the best I can be: a human being...
---
Each day we follow our own steps towards happiness... or so we might think. Just like me, there are others that think people do NOT, in fact, head for happiness. They might think they do... There's an article on CNN about this. Although not an exact view from my perspective, I found the article spoke about some important issues concerning happiness.
See, what we do is compromise ourselves in the quest for happiness. We don't even adventure much, so the word quest is not satisfied. Society shows us the wrong things! Happiness... where did we get the bright idea that to find happiness we should immitate the people around us? Are THEY happy? Truth is, we're not sure, for the most part, what happiness is. Just like society pushes us into the idea that a man with more than one woman is a "stud" or "macho", yet a woman with more men is a "slut" or "whore", so is the distorted image of happiness. Perhaps I exaggerate, perhaps not.
As the article says, you can only tell how happy you are at the exact moment you are asked - and even that with some trouble. Interested of happiness at a wider scale? Check out this article to find out which is the happiest country!
The meaning of all this is just to get you thinking. I'm not trying to persuade you, the reader, into anything. I'm ... pointing out. I'm just a piece of writing, as the blog-header says. What my point is: we compromise ourselves in order to come closer to happiness - don't we? We believe certain things, and we are not happy, so then leave those beliefs because they weren't "making us happy". Or, we see people that are happy and immitate them. Or even not know what happiness is. Or we are sad (we have every right to be) and then pick up on just anything to be happy.
I'm not saying "be careful", I'm saying... check your pulse, go to your heart - ask yourself, not others: are you happy? Figure it out. Talk about it, or hide it - your best way... but if you really look, I'm sure that some of the things you think about happiness are not really based on any truth, least of all a truth that you have experienced. Most people say: You will know happiness when it hits you. And I think that's true. So, in my opinion, if you don't know when it hit you - you've probably never been happy.
Jump to love. Here's a piece that I quickly wrote a couple of days ago:
---
I will love her all my life, no matter what happens. And, maybe, in a sense, for a first time, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS is as close to its true meaning as ever - EVERYTHING can happen, and I would still love her. And love will never hurt, not this love. Perhaps the longing, or the feeling of closeness and contempt - but LOVE, never! What hurts me - us - is not love. Love is not to blame for our have-nots.
I LOVE.
---
The rest is... yet to come. But this will be a story someday, a story I hope to tell. For some reason, I feel I'm on a narrow path - sometimes on the edge, sometimes in the middle, safe - but narrow, working my way farther and farther away, praying, loving, hoping, living... Love.Hope.Faith. That's the trio!
Strangely enough, I feel like wishing good luck to all of you, all who are out there searching for that end of road, or for a spark that's missing... Probably has to do with happiness. It really is amazing, no, how we have evolved so much, yet happiness is not better known. At best it's not decreasing...
I have a story to tell. I hope, I pray, someday... I will be listend to. Until then, may all be well :)
Sunday, November 19, 2006
The Valkyries
I was reading a book: The Valkyries, by Paulo Coelho. For those of you who are familiarized with his writing, it won't be a lot new in style, but the situations are different. And the fact that it's a true story is a strong point also.
I've gathered a couple of quotes from it... and the way they are told in great words, in my opinion, and, even more appreciable, with a simple yet efficient vocabulary.
This book is about love, about a couple married. He (Paulo) goes to the desert in search of his angel - beautiful. There's plenty of surprises, but one of them is that his partner and wife Chris also develops an interest in this magic...
Here are some quotes:
Quote
"Everything in life is a ritual," Paulo said. "For witches as much as for those who have never heard of witchcraft. Both are always trying to perform their rituals to perfection."
Chris knew that those on the magical path had their retuals. And she understood, as well, that there were rituals in everyday life - marriage, baptisms, graduations.
"No, no. I'm not talking about those obvious rituals," he went on impatiently. He wanted to sleep, but she pretended not to have sensed his irritation. "I'm saying that everything is a ritual. Just as a mass is a great ritual, composed of various parts, the everyday experience of any person is, also."
"A carefully elaborate ritual that the person tries to perform precisely, because he or she is afraid that - if any part is left out - everything will go wrong. The name of that ritual is Routine."
[...]
"When we are young, we don't take anything too seriously. But slowly, this set of daily rituals becomes solidified, and takes us over. Once things have begun to go along pretty much as we imagined they would, we don't dare risk altering the ritual. We like to complain, but we are reassured by the fact that each day is more or less like every other. At last there is no unexpected danger."
"... When the ritual becomes consolidated, the person becomes a slave."
(p 162 - Harper Collins Publishers)
***
In six more days, they would have to leave the desert. They stopped in a small city called Ajo, where most of the inhabitants were elderly. It was a plce that had known its moments of glory - when the mine there had brought jobs, prosperity, and hope to the inhabitants. But, for some reason - uknown to any of them - the company had sold its houses to the employees and closed the mine.
Paule and Chris sat in a restaurant, drinking coffee and waiting for the cool evening to arrive. An old woman asked if she could sit with them.
"All of our children have gone away", she told them. "No one is left except the old-timers. Some day, the entire city will disappear, and all our work, everything we built, will no longer mean a thing."
It had been a long time since anyone had even passed through the place. The old woman was happy to have someone to talk to.
"People are coming here, build, and hope that what they are doing is important,", she continued. "But overnight, they find that they are demanding more of the Earth than it has to give. So, they abandon everything and move on, without thinking about the fact that they have involved others in their dream - others who, weaker than they, have to stay behind. Like with the ghost towns out there in the desert."
Maybe that's what's happening to me, Paulo thought. I brought myself here, and I've abandoned myself.
He recalled that once an animal trainer had told him how he was able to keep his elephants under control. The animals, as infants, were bound by chains to a log. They would try to escape, but could not. They tried throughout their entire infancy, but the log was stronger than they were.
So they became accustomed to captivity. And when they were huge and strong, all the trainer had to do was place the chain around one of their legs and anchor it anywhere - even to a twig - and they would not attempt to escape. They were prisoners of their past.
(p 198)
***
He found love on a cliff where two women had tried to stare each other down, with the full moon as a backdrop. And love meant dividing the world with someone. He knew one of the women well, and had shared his universe with her. They had seen the same mountains, and the same trees, although each had seen them differently. She knew his weaknesses, his moments of hatred, of despair. Yet she was there at his side.
They shared the same universe. And although often he had had the feeling that their universe contained no more secrets, he had discovered - that night in Death Valley - that the feeling was wrong.
(p 224)
***
We, at this moment in history, must develop our own powers. We must believe that the universe doesn’t end at the walls of our room. We must accept the signs, and follow our heart and our dreams.
We are responsible for everything that happens in this world. We are the warriors of light. With the strength of our love and of our will, we can change our destiny, as well as the destiny of many others.
The day will come when the problem of hunger can be solved through the miracle of the multiplication of the bread. The day will come when love will be accepted by every heart, and the most terrible of human experiences - solitude, which is worse than hunger - will be banned from the face of the Earth. The day will come when those who knock at the gates will see them open; those who ask will receive; those who weep will be consoled.
For the planet Earth, that day is still a long way off. But for each of us, that day can be tomorrow. One has only to accept a simple fact: Love - of God and of others - shows us the way. Our defects, our dangerous depths, our suppressed hatreds, our moments of weakness and desperation - all are unimportant. If what we want to do is to heal ourselves first, so that then we can go in search of our dreams, we will never reach paradise. If, on the other hand, we accept all that is wrong about us - and despite it, believe that we are deserving of a happy life - then we will have thrown open an immense window that will allow Love to enter. Little by little, our defects will disappear, because one who is happy can look at the world only with Love - the force that regenerates everything that exists in the Universe.
(p 241 - quoted from here)
***
In The Brothers Karamazov, Dostoyevsky tells us the story of the Grand Inquisitor, which is paraphrased here:
During the religious persecutions in Sevilla, when all who did not agree with the Church were thrown into prison, or burned at the stake, Christ returns to earth and mixes in with the multitudes. But the Grand Inquisitor notes his presence, and orders him jailed.
That night, he goes to visit Jesus in his cell. And he asks why Jesus has decided to return at that particular moment. "You are making things difficult for us," the Grand Inquisitor says. "After all, your ideals were lovely, but it is we who are capable of putting them into practice." He argues that, although the Inquisition might be judged in the future to have been severe, it is necessary, and that he is simply doing his job. There is no use talking of peace when man's heart is always at war; nor speaking of a better world when there is so much hatred in man's heart. There was no use in Jesus' having sacrificed himself in the name of the human race, when human beings still feel guilty. "You said that all people are equal, that each has a divine light within, but you forgot that people are insecure, and they need someone to guide them. Don't make our work more difficult than it is. Go away," says the Grand Inquisitor, having laid out all of his brilliant arguments.
When he is finished, there is silence in the cell. Then Jesus comes to the Grand Inquisitor, and kisses him on the cheek.
"You may be right," Jesus says. "But my love is stronger."
---
We are not alone. The world is changing, and we are a part of the transformation. The angels guide us and protect us. Despite all the injustice in the world, and despite the things that happen to us that we feel we don't deserve, and despite the fact that we sometimes feel incapable of changing what is wrong with people and with the world, and despite all of the Grand Inquisitor's arguments--love is even stronger, and it will help us to grow. Only then will we be able to understand the stars and miracles.
(p 242 - quoted from here)
EndQuote
I found someone's short opinion here. Interesting.
As for me... what do I think? Honestly, I absorbed this book from beginning to the end - reading it in two days, which is actually slow. As I'm a great believer in the "love conquers all", so to speak love rules :), I most especially enjoyed the last couple of pages.
One important thing I find to have in common with Coelho's characters (and himself I guess) is the self-surprisingness: somehow, I am surprised by what happens to me, in so many situations that I just can't count anymore. I often find myself out of my own league - meaning I say or think something which I didn't know I knew/thought/felt before. It's usually not big in feelings, but it's big in meaning. We easily find things about urselves, sometimes very much late in life - things that we didn't know were there. I just found out I'd like to have a Furby today, for example. Last night I stood up to watch Ally McBeal and woke up open-minded about anything unusual, I guess. Yet I felt so happy. I've written about how strange we are before (see here), but this is a bit different. In Coelho's work, most of the time love sweeps people off their feet and takes them through a journey that lasts the whole book. Now, Coelho doesn't tell you every itsy bitsy detail, that's the beauty of it - he gives you the scheme, the General Plan of the Universe, and you can fill in the rest.
I have to admit that the whole magus-magic thing is kinda strange, but the ideas are well blended. And, to some extent, the awkwardness of it all accumulates towards a better glimpse into the meaning of... love. The warrior of light...
There's a nice little quote that repeats itself over and over: "The only reasons for action... For Love. For Victory. For the glory of God."
I believe we, human beings, matter most in this Universe. This is sort of a way I found out I was totally against capital punishment. Perhaps by giving so much importance to ourselves I seem a bit arrogant, but, come to think of it - it shouldn't seem so. I love human beings most in this world. And I don't think that's wrong. It's one of the things that helped me believe in love profoundly, for so much of the time.
Surely we all say stuff like "love matters", and this and that, but, truth is, 99% of the time it means nothing - it's overused. It's actually acting those beliefs out that is rare in this world.
Coelho's book is not perfect, of course (Who is?), but it serves a purpose. And, if you can see that purpose right, you will not be sorry you read the book.
I, for one, have stumbled upon the book exactly at the right time in my life (again, I think), so that with all else I have accomplished lately, it has a very special meaning. Thus, "my soul has grown" (to quote Chris' saying), and I believe in the love I have even more than I did before.
Maybe a good way to read this book is with patience. Take your time, read it slow, think about it...
Alright, I'll stop here.
One more thing: I edited this post many times, so for those who got it by mail each time, sorry about that!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Life. Death. Big deal!
Meet my friend Anti-Paul. He will take you through a short journey today, as he has begged me to let him speak for himself. He's... different:
Speak to me. Say something. Don't act deaf, I know you can hear...
I think we're sick and tired of the same things. We're sick and tired of being told "Be good", "act like this", "it's wrong to do that", blah blah. Now, we act stupidly, crazily... we think we want freedom, or represent it. Or, if not that, then some form of non-conformity - refusal to follow the fashion. The path. Ha. Haha.
Whether you have dropped by this post for fun, looking for something to catch your eye, or are just "passing by" because you're bored, I am not going to meet your expectations. I am not gonna do anything good for you - and you know why? Because you're not expecting that. And who am I to exceed your expectations?
If you say you're not to be impressed, I am not gonna do that. What do you want from me? Why do you read these lines anyway? Don't you have a life to go to? Please, do that. Don't listen to what I have to say. You're probably not listening to what politics has to say, or, if you're an adolescent, to what your parents have to say. Why me?
I don't have anything to say. Not to you! "If I have something to say I'll keep it to myself. I know I can say it. I don't need you to show me that."
---
We use technology everyday. Have you a mobile phone? Perhaps. A computer? I'm guessing that's how you can read this. Internet? Wow. Probably this page gets to you through sattelite if you're not in the US. Wow. Do you even know how that works? What if the guy who invented the internet kept the idea to himself? Should he have decided not to share. He could've said "I know I can do it. I don't need you to show me that" or, perhaps, "I'll do it when I feel like it".
---
What if the devil wants to share his loneliness with you? Are you gonna offer to keep him company? He's gonna say "help me". Will you?
Would helping the devil kill him or make him stronger? Guess who came up with that?
"What does not kill me, makes me stronger." - Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, 1888
Did you even know that he said that? I didn't, before.
Have you seen the movie Hellboy?
You should if you haven't.
---
What do you want? Do you want to feel shocked?
If you're a boy/man I might think you'd like to read some erotic shocking description that a girl has. Girls are curious too, you know, when they grow up. If you wanna read some nice and honest confessions, read Anne Frank's "Diary of a Young Girl"(Wikipedia reference). It's short and ... it's sweet.
Quote
Each time I have a period - and that has only been three times - I have the feeling that in spite of all the pain, unpleasantness, and nastiness, I have a sweet secret, and that is why, although it is nothing but a nuisance to me in a way, I always long for the time that I shall feel that secret within me again.
Sis Heyster also writes that girls of this age don't feel quite certain of themselves, and discover that they themselves are individuals with ideas, thoughts and habits. After I came here, when I was just fourteen, I began to think about myself soonar than most girls, and to know that I am a "person". Sometimes, when I lie in bed at night, I have a terrible desire to feel my breasts and to listen to the quiet rhythmic beat of my heart.
EndQuote
For a short excerpt go here, it's the best I could find.
Don't you get the feeling that you're an intruder? That you're not wanted between these honest private lines of writing? Told you that you should go, leave this page, but you wouldn't listen. When do you ever listen?
---
Yesterday I had a strange desire to look for where OK comes from. See this link!
---
I need a hug.
---
Are we really so alone in this world? Do you feel that the person closest to you HAS you in his/her life? I mean, by that, do you feel inside of that person? Or do you feel as just a pleasant nice guy with whom he/she likes hanging out? Is it or is it not about you?
...
...
...
We are much more alone than we think.
---
But there are also many more people with whom you wouldn't be alone. However, you have or will mijudge them - if you ever meet them even.
Isn't this world cruel?
---
We are not supposed to be happy all the time. Why, even according to Christianity! How come?
Should we be?
Does the idea of happily-ever-after tempt you? It doesn't work for me. Wouldn't eternal happiness be boring? Haha. Sad, but true. Happy is sad, how's that a paradox for you?
Read the previous post on Eternal Recurrence for a bit more about this (here).
---
If a stranger of opposite sex (presumably) approached you and said "I love you" would you believe it? How would you react?
(Possible reader thought (PRT): Why ask something useless like this?)
Can you reach the loudest yell? Can't you always yell louder?
(PRT: Or like this! Even more useless!)
Imagine a longtime-desired-kiss-of-your-dreams! (PRT: Yey!) Now, if that doesn't lift up your spirit, if that doesn't make you happy, it should make you very sad. You are lonely, or suffering, perhaps?
If neither happens, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Haha. See, I like that, I'm telling you what to feel. Hate me. (PRT: Okay)
---
Is all a human being wishe for that sense of ... connection, understanding... chemistry, with another entity?
What do you think?
Speak to me. Say something. Don't act deaf, I know you can hear...
I think we're sick and tired of the same things. We're sick and tired of being told "Be good", "act like this", "it's wrong to do that", blah blah. (PRT: I think I've read this before. H(u)mmm :-?)
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Thought to question everything?
My first post after upgrading to blogger beta!
Hello ... world!
I've lived this past few weeks... without writing one single bit. And now I'm here, wishing ... for what? Inspiration, I guess. Time is so slow... yet so fast...
No matter, I've good subjects to write on now: Nietzsche (hard to spell right), and, of course, me...
Nietzsche said that humans have killed God... but how?
The following is from here, an excerpt of Nietzsche's "The Gay Science". If you want to read more, follow the link, or go here for a summary of Nietzsche's morality.
Quote:
The Madman. Have you ever heard of the madman who on a bright morning lighted a lantern and ran to the market-place calling out unceasingly: "I seek God! I seek God!" As there were many people standing about who did not believe in God, he caused a great deal of amusement. Why? is he lost? said one. Has he strayed away like a child? said another. Or does he keep himself hidden? Is he afraid of us? Has he taken a sea voyage? Has he emigrated? - the people cried out laughingly, all in a hubbub. The insane man jumped into their midst and transfixed them with his glances. "Where is God gone?" he called out. "I mean to tell you! We have killed him, you and I! We are all his murderers! But how have we done it? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the whole horizon? What did we do when we loosened this earth from its sun? Whither does it now move? Whither do we move? Away from all suns? Do we not dash on unceasingly? Backwards, sideways, forwards, in all directions? Is there still an above and below? Do we not stray, as through infinite nothingness? Does not empty space breathe upon us? Has it not become colder? Does not night come on continually, darker and darker? Shall we not have to light lanterns in the morning? Do we not hear the noise of the grave-diggers who are burying God? Do we not smell the divine putrefaction? - for even Gods putrefy! God is dead! God remains dead! And we have killed him! How shall we console ourselves, the most murderous of all murderers? The holiest and the mightiest that the world has hitherto possessed, has bled to death under our knife - who will wipe the blood from us? With what water could we cleanse ourselves? What lustrums, what sacred games shall we have to devise? Is not the magnitude of this deed too great for us? Shall we not ourselves have to become Gods, merely to seem worthy of it? There never was a greater event - and on account of it, all who are born after us belong to a higher history than any history hitherto!" Here the madman was silent and looked again at his hearers; they also were silent and looked at him in surprise. At last he threw his lantern on the ground, so that it broke in pieces and was extinguished. "I come too early," e then said. "I am not yet at the right time. This prodigious event is still on its way, and is traveling - it has not yet reached men's ears. Lightning and thunder need time, the light of the stars needs time, deeds need time, even after they are done, to be seen and heard. This deed is as yet further from them than the furthest star - and yet they have done it themselves!" It is further stated that the madman made his way into different churches on the same day, and there intoned his Requiem aeternam deo. When led out and called to account, he always gave the reply: "What are these churches now, if they are not the tombs and monuments of God?"
EndQuote
Nietzsche was a strange man, and ... you can see that if you read through the links. I'm too digressive and unfocused right now to pursue further inward Nietzsche's philosophy, but what I get from the tiny bits of material that I've read ... is a strong cohesion between ideas. There's a pessimism, and a strange state of trance. it's amazing how clear everything he says is... he is the kind of practical-direct philosopher, perhaps...
I wrote my reaction paper on him, below, on another piece of his philosophy:
Quote:Reaction paper 5
Nietzsche
One of the most influential and misunderstood philosophers of the modern era, Nietzsche criticized, among other things, Christianity. An interesting quote that I found on him was the following: “Never yield to remorse, but at once tell yourself: remorse would simply mean adding to the first act of stupidity a second.”(The Wanderer and his Shadow,s. 323, R.J. Hollingdale translation). This quote connects so well with Nietzsche’s sayings about the Eternal Recurrence!
Nietzsche resurrects the problem of recurrence (of life): What if everything was to repeat itself indefinitely? What if a demon came to us and said: “This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more”, he proposes. As Heidegger pointed out, Nietzsche never speaks about the reality of "eternal recurrence" itself, but about the "thought of eternal recurrence." (Wikipedia) As a matter of fact, anyone who has seen the movie “Groundhog Day” pretty much knows a bit or two about Eternal Recurrence. I’m sure most of us think about it one way or the other. Most of the times, probably, in the form of “Is/was there anyone exactly like me out there?” But, imagined upon ourselves, the idea of living the same life over and over again, even though not knowing it (or not being believed by anyone like in the movie above) seems absurd, intolerable, and terrifying; or, as Nietzsche says – “weigh[ing] upon your [our] actions as the greatest stress”. I find it very strange that we hope for similarity, yet when it comes to repetitiveness we are so afraid. The idea of Nietzsche’s Eternal Recurrence, though, is that it is mainly impossible to be that “well disposed” to be able to accept such a recurrence. So the very thought of reliving the life requires an optimistic view of life… Also, the Eternal Recurrence demands that we make every moment of our lives as interesting and as full as possible.
EndQuote
Let me move on... as I plan to recurr back to Nietzsche someday later on...
I have the strange feeling I'm getting closer to some dangerous truth about US. I'm not discriminating and I'm not criticizing. I'm observing... And I feel the people here are so... unhappy. Perhaps fullfilled, as much as you can say that about one who is not happy in the real meaning. They might be excited or enthusiastic about something, but I've not seem them happy... not as I know happiness is. And, since, like all of us, I would rather not question my judgement until proven guilty, I feel I am right: you are not happy, are you, Americans?
It's like... 99 percent of the people I see everyday don't really honestly communicate; I don't sense that feeling of community, of... symbiosis between two or more people. Where is it? What happened to it? Not even between lovers I don't see it. Maybe it's hidden, maybe it's how it's here...
However I am not an utopist so I will admit that I've seen some people who are contempt and seem to know or have known happiness. Very few, but alive and breathing...
I'm in love. Yes, she's an alien! But she's my fuzzy alien!
I'm sad. Yes, she's away. Yes, I am still looking for my home, again.
I feel peaceful. Could it be the picture?
I feel loved. I feel missed. I feel alone and never alone. I am in the middle of... nothing. Somewhere, everywhere, something somehow will somewhat happen. I feel... too much, too little? Some things cannot be too much. Or too little. This would be a good start for a theory of nothigness
I can't... can I? I can't make you think. I can't make you move. I can't make you curious... I am weak... and you are inert. You are dead... but did I kill you? If we are all so liveless, how can God be alive? What do you feel everyday?... Question that, now not later...
Keep yourself alive.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Quoted advice for inner self
All from:
Smart Question Email Coaching
STOP and THINK for one thoughtful minute per day and you'll CHANGE YOUR LIFE
http://www.smartquestion.com
I have extracted some excerpts for you to read. They're not so bad... although just reading them won't change your life.
Email 1:
*** COACH'S TIP ***
Write your dreams down! Don’t have any dreams? Please care about
yourself enough to go searching for them. It’s bringing our
dreams to life that gives our lives meaning and purpose.
Clearly defining our dreams, setting intention and giving them
attention, moves us towards our goals. And this brings us
excitement, passion and fulfillment.
*** INSPIRATION ***
"The purpose of goals is to focus our attention. The
mind will not reach toward achievement until it has
clear objectives. The magic begins when we set goals.
It is then that the switch is turned on, the current
begins to flow, and the power to accomplish becomes a
reality." -- From The Best of Success, compiled by Wynn
Davis
Email 2:
*** COACH'S TIP ***
All blocks arise when we’re not being authentic, when we’re not
being true to ourselves.
When our thoughts, feelings and actions align with our essence,
we express the qualities of soul. Always trust that your soul
knows what's best for you. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND ACT ON YOUR
IDEAS. Give yourself permission to do what you want with your
life. Take the initiative to set meaningful goals for yourself
and achieve them. Begin to tell yourself why you CAN have what
you want.
*** INSPIRATION ***
"A true knowledge of ourselves is knowledge of our power."
-- Mark Rutherford
Email 3:
*** INSPIRATION ***
"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated. You
can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." -- David Lloyd George
Email 7:
*** COACH'S TIP ***
We are creatures of habit, of patterns. While initially
the habits may have served us, they may now be limiting
our ability to experience more of life.
What aspect of your life has become routine?
How might you bring new life to it?
Do some outrageous dreaming!
*** INSPIRATION ***
"The most important thing in science is not so much to
obtain new facts as to discover new ways of thinking
about them." -- Sir William Bragg
Email 16:
*** INSPIRATION ***
"Why has time disappeared in our culture? How is it
that after decades of inventions and new technologies
devoted to saving time and labor, the result is that
there is no time left? We are a time-poor society; we
are temporally impoverished. And there is no issue, no
aspect of human life, that exceeds this in importance.
The destruction of time is literally the destruction of
life." -- Jacob Needleman
Email 22:
*** COACH'S TIP ***
Always trust that you know what's best for you. To move forward
in your life, gather information from the ‘experts,’ consider how
their advice relates to your situation and then act only on what
feels right for you. You are the only expert for your own life.
*** INSPIRATION ***
"If [the teacher] is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the
house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of
your own mind." -- Kahlil Gibran
Email 35:
*** INSPIRATION ***
"Your body is the ground and metaphor of your life, the
expression of your existence. It is your Bible, your
encyclopedia, your life story. Everything that happens to
you is stored and reflected in your body. In the marriage of
flesh and spirit divorce is impossible." -- Gabrielle Roth
Thursday, October 19, 2006
[PTP] A frightening reality
"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes taste of
adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." - Anne Bradstreet, 'Meditations Divine and Moral,' 1655
Are we really that much utilitarian today, that we cannot consider anything absolute? Does EVERYTHING have to be relative? Why? Why why why?
To quote John (actor Peter MacNicol), from the Ally McBeal series, "this troubles me". Being utilitarian is being practical. Saying that the right thing is that which brings the most good to the greatest number of people - extremely practical.
But shockingly unpleasant. Utilitarianism is also hand-in-hand with consequentialism (a.k.a. only the facts matter), so... if a lawyer can show that a murderer had no intention of killing the victim, then the penalty is milder. But, say, what if - there's always the "what if?" - what if he really did intend to?...
Our society is based on the most practical solution, but our mind is (or should be) inclined towards the other one - called deontological. I suddenly had the feeling that every model we have all had while growing up is fake. Yet, the clichees we experience all around us - about happiness, and doing good, and the lonely "saints" that eventually end up happy, with the love of their lives - yes, they are all illusions. We are mere "numbers" to the society. Is the way the judicial (law) system is built now really the best solution we have come up with in thousands of years of inhabiting this planet?
Einstein said it best: "Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
(picture from here)
"Don't think you are going to conceal thoughts by concealing evidence that they ever existed." - Dwight D. Eisenhower, speech at Dartmouth College, June 14, 1953 - FALSE, you can concieve thoughts. It's all consequences!
"So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after." - Ernest Hemingway - You said it! This is utilitarianism in it's most horrific form...
Okay. Where am I getting at? Since today is not a very coherent day for me, I'll just say it: Immanuel Kant
For Kant, the morally important thing is not consequences but the way choosers think when they make choices.
Kant says that only one [kind of] thing is inherently good, and that is the good will.
The will
* found in humans but not nonhuman animals
* not a material thing
* it is our power of rational moral choice
* its presence gives humans their inherent dignity
What makes the will good? The will is good when it acts out of duty, not out of inclination.
What does it mean to act out of inclination? To do something because it makes you feel good or because you hope to gain something from it.
What does it mean to act out of duty? Kant says this means that we should act from respect for the moral law.
How do we do that? We must know what the moral law is.
How do we know that? We use the "Categorical Imperative".
CATEGORICAL IMPERATIVE: Act only on those maxims (or rules of action) that you could at the same time will to be a universal law.
Basically, every time you act, you create a universal law. Would you like others to do the same? Would you like to do the same everytime? (Oh, there's a great comedy to illustrate this point - Click (2006) with Adam Sandler:D)
The Categorical Imperative is a rule for testing rules.
Basically it requires the following steps:
* Before you act, consider the maxim or principle on which you are acting.
* Generalize that principle.
* PERFORM TEST ONE.
If, once generalized, it no longer makes any sense because it contradicts itself, then it is wrong to use that maxim as a basis for action.
* IF NECESSARY PERFORM TEST TWO (a.k.a. Reversibility)
If the generalized version makes sense, then ask whether you would choose to live in a world where it was followed by everyone. If not, do not act on that maxim.
(Source for summary on Kant's philosophy here)
Another thing that Kant said, which is equivalent to the Categorical Imperative is "Do not treat others as means to an end (a.k.a. do not use them), rather as ends themselves."
If you wish to read about morality in Kant's vision (and I do recommend the texts, real modern philosophy!), I have gathered a couple of webplaces. Click here for a short writing (the one I've read and commented a bit here). Or follow the links below:
A huge archive of Kant's work
Some texts in various formats, directly linked
So... which are you? Utilitarian? Deontological? I think a part of us are somewhat a bit of both - but most are just... mainly utilitarian. Sad :( Where's the love?
(picture from here)
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Little obsessions
What? You've never had them?
So... what makes me weird?
Well, if you're out there on the streets, and we meet, I'll probably look at you. In your eyes. For color? Nay. I like faces... and I love to feel. Faces are the parts of the human body that make me feel most. And, since I'm straight, it works better with girls' faces.
I've listened to two of the Pussycat Dolls' songs today - "Beep", and "Don't cha". There's something funny in them, and something true. In a way, the best way to put this is in Bloodhoung Gang lyrics - "we are nothing but mammals". And, we have to admit that, in a sense, a part of us always desires things that seem strange to the other part. In support of this statement (ooooh, look how fancy I argue) I quote Kierkegaard (funny how every time I feel like writing something, there's a "coincidence" in what I've read to quote from): "Generally speaking, the imperfection in everything human is that its aspirations are achieved only by way of their opposites. I shall not discuss the variety of formations, which can give a psychologist plenty to do (the melancholy have the best sense of the comic, the most opulent often the best sense of the rustic, the dissolute often the best sense of the morel, the doubter often the best sense of the religious), but merely call to mind that it is through sin that one gains a first glimpse of salvation." - No comment. Author: Soren Kierkegaard, Either/Or (chapter "Diapsalmata")
Don't we wish, somehow, that the childhood obsessions about stuff... the impression of the first child we've "made friends" with, or the first peck-kiss, or the first look of a girl/boy, or the first time you combed/brushed your hair. Oh gee! How can you not desire a glimpse of childhood heaven back? Wouldn't you like someone to lift you off your feet, over and over again? We're all lucky if we find that someone - and we probably should hold on tight. The warmth of another, and the memory of that warmth, means more and more, brings you closer to that glimpse of heaven...
I don't know, I'm kinda the company-type, I need someone by my side, with whom to share my feelings. I have people, and I have words. I feel it gives my life a meaning - to be able to feel the way I can/cannot dream of, and have someone else with me to prove it. Maybe, somehow, by myself I'm not sure that the truth is ... real. It's like two truths are better than one.
Yes. Kierkegaard again, same work: "The most beautiful time is the first period of falling in love, when, from every encounter, every glance, one fetches home something new to rejoice over."
I have a quote in one of the polls - it says "To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven" - Karen Sunde
(picture on the left from here)
And again, Kierkegaard: "I have, I believe, the courage to doubt everything; I have, I believe, the courage to fight against everything; but I do not have the courage to acknowledge anything, the courage to possess, to own, anything. Most people complain that the world is so prosaic that things do not go in life as in the novel, where opportunity is always favorable. I complain that in life it is not as in the novel, where one has hardheaded fathers and nisses and trolls to battle, and enchanted princesses to free. What are all such adversaries together compared with the pale, bloodless, tenacious-of-life nocturnal forms with which I battle and to which I myself give life and existence." Indeed, IF ONLY we could imagine the real world!
But, say that we could. Wouldn't it be impossible for things to be as we desire? I think so. We are merely NOT FACING THE WORLD. And, under the pressure of everyday life, I don't blame you. But we have to try, again and again... ah, life is so unfair.
We are strange. Watch Ally McBeal. Think of democracy - it's stupid. It's false for you, whoever you are; but at least it's true for the rest. Another way to say this is ... everyone in power claims it is democracy, everyone undermined claims it is not.
We should know we have strange desires. Read Freud, kiss a tree, watch a raindrop fall, run naked through your house, stare at yourself in the mirror, be surprised by how/who you are, break a glass, jump through fire, open your eyes underwater even if they hurt, rock yourself until you're deaf, make a hat out of a watermelon. What? What? WHAAAT? Maybe I haven't said enough, but you get the point. And if I would have gone on, I probably could say now: "I'm sure there's one thing in this list that you did or thought about doing" - because we are weird! We have to accept that.
I mean, of course, we should also get acquainted with our weird desires, so that we know what to expect, or what to warn others to expect :D. But... part of being is accepting. Or at least understanding... We might all differ at some points, but we are human beings. And, to some extent, we shouldn't be ashamed or trying to hide our ... secrets, from everyone, all the time. Be they fetishes, phobias, or any other kind of obsession... we all have some, one way or the other. And the stressing life we lead helps them increase in number and intensity... we want relief, peace... happiness, each of us in a personal form.
(picture from here)
This excerpt is from my Engl1A course, a free writing based on a single word ("WITNESS"):
"I'm reading a book now, it's called 'London transports', written by Maeve Binchy. I've read another one of hers before, but this one's different. A collection of little stories, all with no real connection to one another, except London. Now, what does this have to do with witness? Well, I always feel like one when I'm reading this book. Every 10-or-so page story has a mind and soul of its own, and makes me think about me, and the characters, and how the reader is a witness to those. I wonder if one day I'll be able to write a short story like that, that'll make other people feel like short-time witnesses of my world. I think a lot about writing, and I witness it in every book. I've started to write because of... well, guess? I guess it's why most people start writing anyhow: it's because I couldn't handle the pressure of my own thoughts. I had to let them out, and after I did, it felt so great that I wanted to do it again. Now, I don't know if I am to become a writer, but I had a revelation about how wonderful it could be, a few years ago. It's really strange, cause I'm a science freak, and a computer one, but I love it more than anything else. Except people."
And this is another one, based on the "KNOWLEDGE":
Sides of truth. One way to think of knowledge is so sad, it makes knowing something not worth it: the more you know, the more you realize there's much more to know. Kind of like climbing a mountain, the higher you are, the smaller you feel, and the more you see...
Another way to think about it is feeling. You can feel knowledge, just because it is comprised of "the outside", and it can be words, images, sounds ... sculptures? No matter, knowledge is felt, and some say the best way to know and learn is to give everything special meaning.
There's a quote on knowledge, by H.R. Pagels: "What we want is knowledge, but what we get is information". This just means that people wish knowledge wasn't so meaningful, in a way." (in another way...)
Okay. Since God's (or whoever/whatever's, as you wish to believe) powers of time are greater than my own, I shall approach the end of what I thought would be a long consistent confession...
... Who/What do you think of before you go to bed?
Friday, October 06, 2006
Journal assignment
Day one
It’s me. Again. But not again again, just… again. I had time today, after a while, to think more. I miss home, but I won’t write about that, again. Not again again…
I actually had a meaningful conversation today, and it’s been a while since that happened. You know, you never actually realize how much it matters to be “at the scene” to actually feel close to a place, part of it. I mean, … my friends are so busy now. And so am
Hey, another thing, I walked home from DeAnza today! Really, I did… for the first time. It took me about half an hour, but it was worth it. I saw a kid riding his bike, he reminded me of Vince I just met in the English course: he likes riding bikes. And I thought I might get some roller skates and get home from school that way. But I prefer a car; I’d be able to go places easier… much easier. There’s no way you can do much here without a car! It’s not like a big city –
I way saying I had time today. What do you think, ey? Well, if I had time for you, I must have had time for lots of other things as well, you think... Cause, diary, although you are you, you are last on the list. That’s why I don’t keep writing every day; but when I do, I fill (actually flood) pages and pages, and pages…
I still don’t feel fully settled in US, you know? I can’t wait to be back on this paper one day and write: “Hey, I love it here! I remember how it all started, but it worked out great. I’ve got new great friends and a place for myself, a ton of dreams and a piece of paper to share these words with, etc”
But there’s time… and time is on my side. Yet.
I like counting days. That’s why I put the day number up here, everyday; maybe because I’m young I like to count them…
So, how was today? Is that what you’re expecting?
Today was great! It might have been the start of a beautiful friendship: I met a guy and I think we get along well. Although he’s American, he didn’t mind me saying that I think American people are cold(er) than Romanians. He said
I even started a new math seminar today (or better said it started and I joined), and it’s a lot about problem solving. I might like it… and it sounds promising.
Even my calculus class went alright. I might have a new friend there, too… She’s from
Tomorrow’s Saturday, and my family and I are probably going somewhere; can’t wait!
Day three
I woke up earlier than expected, for a Saturday, and I washed my face and signed in on Yahoo. I wanted to talk with my friends, like I usually do Saturday morning. And we talked, and talked.
My brother woke up late, and then spent another few hours playing/lying in bed, so we moved slowly. But we decided to go to
Everyday I spend outside home I realize some new think about the
Back to
So, what am I trying to say? I guess this day meant something because I thought about many things all over again.
And I was the driver all the way – all 150 miles both ways; and I loved it! And we saw some interesting places, took some nice pictures… and, that’s the short story. I’m feeling short in writing right now… so… see you tomorrow!
I didn’t do much today, and I think I caught a cold. Damn. Well… since I was kind of sick, I didn’t get out of the house, and I programmed most of the time, instead. I finally got around finishing the software me and my brother started.
And before that I read for my philosophy class – Rene Descartes. Wow! That guy really had a lot to say! I was reading his thoughts, right there on the paper, and how clearly he spoke to himself. He was actually doing something! I enjoy picturing myself in other people’s shoes (and I think most people do, and they do that because sometimes their own life is ‘already known’, not so exciting, or … even worse), so I took my time. I tried to understand what he was saying… about what’s real and what’s not. Reality might not be real, according to him, and many others. Because, he says, we can’t really tell when we’re asleep and when we’re awake, there’s just a vague feeling of that; but some dreams can be so real, and some facts seem so imaginary… “I think, therefore I am”, that’s his famous phrase. So, on the other way around, it would become “I am not, therefore I do not think”, which makes sense too!
I was thinking… how human beings actually fool themselves each day with untruths, and how true it is that we base our lives on things that are mostly made up… concepts, ideas, yeah… few of them are actually supported by facts. But that’s the nature of our mind – enquiring, curious, desiring… a quest, yeah! I like quests, and I like reason… I might be more of an introvert than an extrovert, but I think I socialize all the time… Well, except when I’m not. Ha, what a smart answer! Anyway… enough is enough. I think that, if you wanna clear your mind, you should write, and write a lot. And think about little in many ways… the infinite sides of truth, something like that. I could write a book with that title (if it hasn’t already been written…)
I’ve got some books now, and I’ll probably start reading “Fast food nation” after I finish my own. A clear line, a story, something to put my mind against, always clears my head… makes me feel… capable and coherent. Nice!
My cold is getting better, I think.
We got the math exam back today, and I scored higher than I thought I would…
Gee, I feel great! My dad came back from
Oh boy, long distance is really not that big a deal in days like these… it makes me feel much closer to home. And also cared about. This is another day when I think about my place here, and I’m sure I’ll find one…
I played tennis, and relaxed a bit…
I could say that today was the kind of “one step forward” day, when I get closer to my goals and further from loneliness. I guess I’m afraid of being lonely, to some extent… even though I never actually am, anymore…
Monday, October 02, 2006
Wacky links
Every now and then I will post some link I like or find interesting, so... enjoy! You can post your own, of course, and I'll look into it.
Look to the right (Links) for the last date an entry was added.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
[Long story short] Two
Back to One
J: I just remembered...
(silence)
They are lying on the grass again. He, and she, and nobody else. It's dark. Julie and Martin.
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: I love water. Falling water, actually... I felt it again today. It's amazing how feminine it makes me feel: I wanted to kiss the water, to embrace it, to press it against me. I felt like I was not there, but somewhere else... You know, this was really the first day I realized I could feel like that in the shower.
J: It's quite a song water sings, everytime...
M: At one point, after minutes and minutes, I thought you must have showered in it too. Maybe not the same water, but... what if... and, even if not, water's everywhere. It was near you, I felt it; and I also felt close to you because of it... I felt that I could send you my love through the gentle flow, and it would travel oceans and clouds and be right next to you. All the time. Forever... I could've kissed something you touched, right then... I could fly then... and reach out to you...
J: Maybe that's why I like to take a bath, you know... surrounded by water everywhere, I'm... safe. And it's warm, and gentle, and slow... Water is slow and fast, don't you think so? And maybe you are there. I didn't realize...
M: Time was different; I could feel it passing by; so slowly... I turned my back from the shower (cap) and felt the water flowing on my back. And I thought what if you were surprising me, what if you jumped on my back right then. In the wet mirror in front I saw me, slow me... but I was moving so fast, and it was always with me... the water. The water falling... Water falls...
J: Waterfalls.
M: Waterfalls. Let's imagine...
J: A waterfall!
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
(She jumps straight up.)
J: Hey! I didn't scare you?
M: I know. Strange, isn't it? I'm naturally very scared, but not from you. You...
J: I... thought of something. I thought we should draw something together.
M: A waterfall?
J: Maybe...
M: Wow...
J: Hey, I just realized... that water can also kill. How can such a romantic existence do evil?
M: Maybe it's not evil... It doesn't kill by itself...
J: Yeah... yes! Kiss me!
M: You are my waterfall...
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: What color are you?
J: Does it matter?
M: Doesn't it?
(silence)
(silence)
J: I ... you.
M: ... you too...
J: Me too. You know what? I'm water! I wanna be water right now. Embrace me, like you did this morning, show me how you felt!
M: You are my waterfall... what if you're green?
(silence)
(silence)
J: I am greenish. I couldn't be green... I'm water!
M: This is your soul, my waterfall. And I can be right in the middle of it. L...
J: (slowly) O...
M: (slowly) V...
J: (slowly) E...
(silence)
M: I want...
J: I WANT... you. But we are only human... and you cannot go through my soul.
M: L-O-V-E
J: But you can be water, and I can be water. And we can feel each other's gentle touch and soft embrace. And we can kiss the flow, and go with it...
(silence)
J: And be together, in the middle of the water, falling.
M: Waterfall.
J: Waterfall!
M: Our waterfall! Hold me from holding you or hold me tight. As tight as you can, because you can't break me. I am water...
(silence)
J: L-O-V-E
(silence)
J: What color am I?
M: Does it matter?
J: Can water fall up?
M: It can evaporate... it can... be a cloud! Let's say it can fall up! I feel I'm falling up, so...
J: I know...
M: ... you
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: We can be any color...
J: ... you... too... too.
M: You are white. You are pure...
J: You are blue. You are clear...
M: You are red. You are passionate...
J: You are yellow. You are meditative...
M: You are green. You are natural...
J: You are black. Mysterious...
M: You are pink. Joyful...
J: You are purple. Peaceful...
M: Like the sunset... You are orange. Warm...
J: Like the sun... Brown. Huggable...
M: Like a tree... Tan. Delicate...
J: Like skin... Silver. Purifying...
(silence)
(silence)
(silence)
M: You are my color...
J: You are my color...
M: What color are we?
(silence)
J: Water. Water is our color...
M: We are a waterfall.
J: Water can fall up...
M: Our waterfall...
M&J: (together) Our waterfall!
(silence)
(silence)
J: Kiss me!
(silence)
(silence)
... the end
Find all LSS here
Monday, September 18, 2006
[New story] The contemplative seagull
Pictures: Pescadero Beach, CAYeah, that's related to the title...
"You don't know what I see out there. You don't even SEE, not to talk about knowing! I am for you like you are for God - just one... encounter. Is it? Maybe... I see...
Why are you not, do you know? I'm looking at you, can't you see?
Raise your hand if you've ever felt out of this world. Can't you see, for God's sake (or mine, if not) that you're not even trying? Are you even in touch? 99% of the time you live the life of man. YOU have created this life... and it is not life as any of us, creatures, know it. Your living is for the society, or/and for something virtual. VIRTUAL. What is life to you? Is it really life? What is the life of man? It can't even be called that, anymore. Look at you, you pathetic worm. Okay, I don't mean that. I'm just a bird, what do I know...
No, I'm not upset with you. You shouldn't go away just like that... you should listen to what you don't like, as I hope you still have in you the last bit of humanity to recognize that you are not what you were born to be, you are not... human. Do you think you are?
Look at this. What do you see?
Yes. I have brothers and sisters. Have you?
Look, I don't want you to think too much. I don't want to harm you; but maybe you could feel... the world. Is there a real world? Don't you prefer not to live in it? Why? Why, why, why? Didn't your (man)kind make this world into the 'as is' version of today? Do you hate mankind? Or any man? Why? Do you FEEL yourself? Cause I think you just ignore the very base of your existence - YOU. What is this 'I' people are always talking about? What's your self, personal identity, your being and time?
Why are you alone even with me? I am here, you are here. Other human beings are here, other birds are here. Why, then, you are alone?
So, maybe you did something stupid. Maybe you don't know who you are. If you do, congrats! Would you tell a bird that?... Ehhh, time to think about it...
I still live the old way - fight for the food, look for my love, fly out into the ocean... and even if I get caught in the wave...
... I always remember who I am, and what I'm doing here, in this world...
Do I care about you? Of course I don't.
That's why I'll leave you alone now...
Or should I leave you with your self?"
There's an allegory of the cave, better concerning with the discrepance between what is real and what is imaginary. A preconception of The Matrix, now popular movie, in some way. Long story short, some people are held facing the wall of a cave; they see the shadows of objects projected by fire and eventually one of them breaks free of the "slavery". What happens next, and between, you may see in the text. Although the assumptions or the words may seem a bit out of their place for you (or better said, you might disagree with how thoughts are displayed), the ideas behind the text are marvelous in themselves, and are the beginning of a new thinking. A great quote I found on this is "When facing our reality with another, we are afraid to look behind the shadows, to transcend."
This is it, and here's the link to the text: The Republic, by Plato
Oh, and, if you're interested in debating anything about this post, just... leave a comment ffs! :D
Special thanks to:
Marius, for most of the pictures
Also thanks to:
The "Intro to philosophy" course, and the great "unpredictable laws of nature" (quoting my teacher) for timing this just right.
Thanks for reading thus far. If you want more pictures, just contact me for a link!"You don't know what I see out there. You don't even SEE, not to talk about knowing! I am for you like you are for God - just one... encounter. Is it? Maybe... I see...
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"
I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, it's a wonderful world! But I see the neverending. I see life closer to the essence than can you, because I am part of this world and you are not.I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' "How do you do?"
They're really saying "I love you"
I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world
(Louis Armstrong, What a wonderful world)
Why are you not, do you know? I'm looking at you, can't you see?Raise your hand if you've ever felt out of this world. Can't you see, for God's sake (or mine, if not) that you're not even trying? Are you even in touch? 99% of the time you live the life of man. YOU have created this life... and it is not life as any of us, creatures, know it. Your living is for the society, or/and for something virtual. VIRTUAL. What is life to you? Is it really life? What is the life of man? It can't even be called that, anymore. Look at you, you pathetic worm. Okay, I don't mean that. I'm just a bird, what do I know...
No, I'm not upset with you. You shouldn't go away just like that... you should listen to what you don't like, as I hope you still have in you the last bit of humanity to recognize that you are not what you were born to be, you are not... human. Do you think you are?Look at this. What do you see?
Yes. I have brothers and sisters. Have you?Look, I don't want you to think too much. I don't want to harm you; but maybe you could feel... the world. Is there a real world? Don't you prefer not to live in it? Why? Why, why, why? Didn't your (man)kind make this world into the 'as is' version of today? Do you hate mankind? Or any man? Why? Do you FEEL yourself? Cause I think you just ignore the very base of your existence - YOU. What is this 'I' people are always talking about? What's your self, personal identity, your being and time?
Why are you alone even with me? I am here, you are here. Other human beings are here, other birds are here. Why, then, you are alone?
So, maybe you did something stupid. Maybe you don't know who you are. If you do, congrats! Would you tell a bird that?... Ehhh, time to think about it...
I still live the old way - fight for the food, look for my love, fly out into the ocean... and even if I get caught in the wave...
... I always remember who I am, and what I'm doing here, in this world...Do I care about you? Of course I don't.
That's why I'll leave you alone now...
Or should I leave you with your self?"There's an allegory of the cave, better concerning with the discrepance between what is real and what is imaginary. A preconception of The Matrix, now popular movie, in some way. Long story short, some people are held facing the wall of a cave; they see the shadows of objects projected by fire and eventually one of them breaks free of the "slavery". What happens next, and between, you may see in the text. Although the assumptions or the words may seem a bit out of their place for you (or better said, you might disagree with how thoughts are displayed), the ideas behind the text are marvelous in themselves, and are the beginning of a new thinking. A great quote I found on this is "When facing our reality with another, we are afraid to look behind the shadows, to transcend."
This is it, and here's the link to the text: The Republic, by Plato
Oh, and, if you're interested in debating anything about this post, just... leave a comment ffs! :D
Special thanks to:
Marius, for most of the pictures
Also thanks to:
The "Intro to philosophy" course, and the great "unpredictable laws of nature" (quoting my teacher) for timing this just right.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
[PTP] Aristotle - MY STATEMENT
Picture:Wonder Mountain, Toronto Area, Ontario, Canada
... i know, it doesn't look real...
MY STATEMENT
I think it's amazing, I really do... Just look at what he's saying, carefully: happiness is virtue. Virtue is ... balance, equilibrium, a state of character... So the secret of happiness would be... the middle road? I find that's plausible. I mean, although it's a bit idealistic for a man to be able to judge all these "means" (and he talks about them a lot too, in the next chapters), in my own experience I found that (adolescent) adventures which exceed the mean area are ... actually in there. The activity of doing something which brings you contempt, peace, fulfillment, intensity... all of these, even associated with pleasure (or passion, as he often says), have a MEAN (Aristotle's Golden Mean). It makes sense. And, furthermore, it's extremely well sought by religion, I bet. It's not just a coincidence that it goes way up to our times.
So, the soul is:
1. Vegetative - Plant-like, representing growth and nurturing <=> nature's call of "time to change"
2. Appetitive - Animal-like, full of desire, passion and essentially good/bad feelings (determined by wants and their results as ACTIONS/ACTIVITIES)
3. Rational (Reason) - The one thing that separates us from the rest. This also has to do with self-consciousness, belief, and... most importantly, with virtue and happiness.
Although it may not be clear that this is the way we are, he is right to some extent. You could, almost perfectly, split all of man's existance into three cathegories, and put them each in one of these 1,2,3... Right?
So, in his vision (and somewhat in mine), happiness has nothing to do with anything except... activities of the soul. Although, for me, the deepest and most rewarding activity of the soul is love, (and I am still young, yes, maybe that has a bit to do with it) I also find knowledge, sport, or art, very intense activities. Perhaps there are others... so, to be optimistic, you can look at it this way: there's a thousand ways to be happy! Really! So smile, then think of what is you and do it!
ALSO READ:
Aristotle - The basics
Aristotle - Happiness
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