Can you see it in yourself?

Sunday, May 07, 2006

[The beggar] Part three

Part one
Part two
Part three
Part four
Part five
Part six
Behind the scenes!

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Part three

His life is certainly a big change now, compared to his past... He didn't feel things like this before. But he wished to...
'What can I do?' he wondered. Indeed, what could he do different?
When he was younger, his sister moved away, to live on her own. She asked him to come with her, but he wouldn't, he couldn't...
Andrew wanted to stay with his father. He couldn't leave him alone, since their mother died. But his dad was so boring! He couldn't believe it: his father had changed so much. They didn't go out anymore, and all he did at home was either stare into the screen of the television set, or go fishing. He always asked Andrew to join him, but it was too early - six in the morning. Andrew wasn't the early type, so they made a deal: his dad was supposed to pick a spot by the lake, set up everything, and he would join him at nine o'clock sharp.
But Andrew didn't like fishing, but he loved his father very much. 'At least this way I spend time with him. And he is a better company...' Somehow, he could see his father live, and the face he'd show when they got a "big one" was memorable: it was like the grain of hope that kept his dad alive. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he move on? Was mom so much for him that he couldn't live a life now? There were so many questions Andrew hadn't the answers for. But he tried, desperately asking his father every few days, to no avail. All he could get was 'but I'm living, son. Look, I'm here with you, I'm happy. Trust me, I'm alright.' And what could he reply to that? How can a son declare to his father that he's lying to himself? So he capitulated.
Andrew was a very loving person. He had a lot to give and few to give it to... He aspired to become a guide, of some sort - the idea of working closely with people, trying to arouse their interest and telling them stories seemed to enlighten his spirit. Besides, that way he could meet people, too.
He felt wrong for this world, in most ways... he hadn't found how nor where to express himself freely. 'What is freedom, actually?' he thought. He didn't feel free, although he wasn't restrained from anything, in any manner. If he could at least find someone to share his ideas with, that would make things better! Until then, he decided to read, ant think. Even during the times he spent with his father, he did so. He later thought he could become a teacher. But, aside from his sister, he didn't have that much experience of working with people.
After classes, they went to Lilith's place to do their homework. He helped her in literature and math, and she helped him in foreign languages and biology. They loved working together. Lilith always asked him to come live with her. She had a job, she could pay all the rent. But he refused.
'At least I don't wanna leave my father alone. I'm concerned for him...'
She sympathized, but she didn't feel the same. She thought people should always go on with their lives, or at least not live alone, not when the world was so big, and open to everybody. Andrew was her best friend, and the most wonderful brother she could ask for, so she respected his decision.
'I'll get a job and move in with you, in a couple of years. You have my word.'
And then they turned eighteen. And he met this girl, in the park, and brought her to Lilith's place.
Somehow Andrew seemed to lighten up. He seemed to be more excited, enthusiastic. Lilith thought he was in love.
'Are you?' she dared to ask one day.
'I don't know. How can you tell? My life is different since she's been along, it's true, but I don't know what else... What makes love... love?'
And then they paused.
'I don't know either. I guess it's when the world changes with you, somehow. I've only read about it...'
So they did not know what love was. But Andrew could feel Susan's warm heart. He knew even before she'd tell him that she was a loving person. He didn't know what he was feeling, but he hoped it was what he thought. He wanted it to be...

They were in his sister's apartment. After Susan told him the story about her life, Andrew told her his own. His father was a tram driver, just like hers. Wasn't that a strange coincidence? Maybe his father could know hers, and maybe he could know more about the accident. After all, it was in the area where they both worked that the accident took place, even on a tram line. 'Do you have a picture of your dad?' he asked.
'Sure. Why?'
'Maybe my father could know him. I don't know what good that will do, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?'
'Of course', she said hopingly, 'Why not?'
'I'll ask him tomorrow.'
His heart poundered. 'Listen... if he tells me anything useful, would you like to talk about it over some tea and biscuits in Stanley's place?'
'I'd like that, really. Thanks, you've done so much for me...', she didn't know what more to say. She hoped he didn't see her soft trembling. 'Could he feel something for me too?'
'Maybe she'd be more relaxed if we went somewhere.' he thought. He also was shaking, so he quickly sat on the couch...

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TO BE CONTINUED...

Sink into it! (expand)

Thursday, May 04, 2006

"Inainte de tacere"

Tocmai am terminat de citit cartea, si am ramas impresionat. Impart cu voi o insiruire de citate pline de insemnatate:

"De asemenea, se organizau pe atunci marsuri pentru generalul Sandino si pentru nobilii si vitejii Sacco si Vanzetti. Manifestatiile adunau vreo suta de mii de muncitori si studenti, unii sub steagul rosu al socialistilor, iar altii - anarhistii - sub steagul rosu-negru. In toata lumea au avut loc proteste de solidaritate cu cei doi martiri ai miscarii, condamnati la moarte pentru o crima pe care nu o comisesera. Ca si in cazul muncitorilor din Chicago, tribunalele nord-americane au trebuit sa le recunoasca nevinovatia. Au murit cu curaj si demnitate. Intr-un film pe care, dupa oi vreme, l-au facut americanii cu intentia de a dezvalui adevarul, apare si aceasta emotionanta scrisoare pe care Vanzetti a scris-o fiului sau:
'Iubitul meu fiu, v-am visat zi si noapte. Nu stiam daca eram viu sau mort. As fi vrut sa va imbratisez, pe tine si pe mama ta. Iarta-ma, fiule, pentreu aceasta moarte nedreapta, care te-a lasat atat de repede fara tata. Astazi ne pot asasina, dar nu ne vor putea distruge ideile. Ele vor ramane pentru generatiile viitoare, pentru cei tineri ca tine. Aminteste-ti, fiul meu, de fericirea pe care o simti atunci cand te joci, nu o acapara pe toata doar pentru tine! Incearca sa-ti intelegi cu umilinta aproapele, ajuta-i pe cei slabi, mangaie-i pe cei care plang. Ajuta-i pe cei oprimati. Ei iti vor fi cei mai buni prieteni. Adio, sotia mea! Fiul meu! Tovarasi!'
Bartolomeo Vanzetti"
"Fapt e ca toti oamenii au de-a face cu o dubla existenta: cea diurna si cea nocturna. Un amarat de functionar viseaza noaptea ca isi asasineaza seful cu lovituri de cutit, iar ziua il saluta cu respect. Fiinta umana este in mod esential contradictoriei, si pana si Descartes, piatra de hotar a rationalismului, si-a creat principiile teoriei sale plecand de la trei vise avute. Frumos inceput pentru un aparator al ratiunii!"
"Ratacit intr-o lume in descompunere, intre ramasitele unor ideologii falimentare, scrisul era pentru mine mijlocul fundmental, cel mai puternic si absolut, care imi putea perrmite sa exprim haosul in care ma zbateam; asa mi-am putut elibera nu doar ideile, ci, mai ales, obsesiile cele mai ascunse si inexplicable.
Adevarata patrie a omului nhu este orasul pur care l-a fascinat pe Platon. Adevarata lui patrie, la care se intoarce mereu dupa periplele ideatice, este aceasta zona intermediara si pamanteasca a sufletului, acest teritoriu sfasiat in care traim, iubim si suferim. Si intr-o perioada de criza totala numai arta poate exprima nelinistea isi disperarea omului, deoarece, spre deosebire de toate celelalte activitati ale gandirii, ea este singura care-i capteaza in totalitate spiritul, mai ales prin marile fictiuni care ajung sa patrunda in spatiul sacru al poeziei. Creatia este acea parte a simtirii pe care am cucerit-o in lupta cu imensitatea haosului."
"Aflu stirile si deduc ca e inadmisibil sa te abandonezi linistit ideii ca lumea va depasi criza prin care trece.
Dezvoltarea facilitate de tehnica si de economie a avut consecinte funeste pentru omenire. Si, ca si in alte epoci ale istoriei, puterea care parea in principiu cel mai bun aliat al omului, se pregateste din nou sa arunce ultima lopata pe mormantul imperiului sau colosal. [...]
Istoria nu progreseaza. Marele Gianbattista Vico a fost cel care a spus: "Corsi e ricorsi". Istoria e guvernata de miscari de du-te-vino, idee reluata ulterior de Schopenhauer si apoi de Nietzshe. Progresul este valabil doar pentru gandirea pura. Matematicile lui Einstein sunt evident superioare celor ale lui Arhimede. Restul, practic, ce este mai important, trece din scoarta cerebrala in jos. Iar centrul sau este inima, acest organ misterios, o pompa mecanica de sange, un nimic pe langa complexitatea imensa si labirintica a creierului, dar care, din nu stiu ce pricina, ne doare atunci cand ne aflam in fata marilor crize. Din motive pe care nu ajungem sa le cunoastem, se pare ca inima resimte cel mai mult misterele, tristetile, pasiunile, invidiile, resentimentele, dragostea si singuratatea, chiar si existenta lui Dumnezeu si a Diavolului. Omul nu progreseaza pentru ca sufletul sau este acelasi. Cum spune Ecleziastul, "nimic nou sub soare", iar asta se refera precis la inima omului, locuita in toate epocile de aceleasi atribute, impingand spre nobile acte eroice, dar, de asemenea, amagita de rau. Tehnica si ratiunea au fost mijloacele pe care pozitivistii le-au postulat ca pe niste panze care ne-ar ilumina calea spre Progres. Iata lumina care ne conduce! Sfarsitul secolului {e scrisa in '98'} ne surprinde in obscuritate, iar claritatea evanescenta care ne ramane pare sa indice ca suntem inconjurati de umbre. Naufragiat printre neguri, omul inainteaza spre mileniul urmator cuincertitudinea celui care intrezareste un abis.
In 1951 am publicat Oameni si angrenaje. [...]
In cartea aceea imi aratam neincrederea si preocuparea fata de o lume tehnolatra si scientista, fata de aceasta conceptie asupra omului si existentei care a inceput sa se supraaprecieze cand semizeul renascentist s-a lansat euforic in cucerirea universului, cand nelinistea metafizica si religioasa a fost inlocuita de eficacitate, precizie si cunostintele tehnice. Acel proces de neoprit a sfarsit intr-un paradox teribil: dezumanizarea umanitatii. In acea carte, acum mai bine de cincizeci de ani, am scris: 'Acest paradox, ale carui ultime si tragice consecinte le suportam astazi, a fost rezultatul a doua forte dinamice si amorale: banii si ratiunea. CU ele omula cucerit puterea seculara. Dar - si aici se afla radacina paradoxului - a ceasta cucerire se face prin intermediul abstractiunii; de la lingoul de aur la clearing, de la parghie la logaritm, istoria dominatiei crescande a omului asupra universului a fost, de asemenea, istoria abstractiunilor succesive. Capitalismul modern si stiinta pozitiva sunt cele doua fete ale aceleiasi realitati deposedate de atribute concrete, o fantasmagorie abstracta din care face parte si omul, dar nu omul concret si individual, ci omul masa, aceasta fiinta ciudata, cu un aspect mai degraba uman, cu ochi si plansete, voci si emotii, dar in realitate un angrenaj dintr-o uriasa masinarie anonima. Acesta este destinul contradictoriu al acelui semizeu renascentist care si-a revendicat individualitatea, care s-a ridicat cu orgoliu impotriva lui Dumnezeu, proclamandu-si vointa de dominare si de transformare a lucrurilor, ignorand ca, la randul lui, va ajunge sa se transforme in lucru.
[...]
Totul arta ca in interiorul Timpurilor Moderne, laudate cu atata ardoare, se nastea un monstru cu trei capete: rationalismul, materialismul si individualismul.
[...]
Acum cativa ani, doua puteri isi disputau lumea. Odata esuat comunismul, s-a raspandit credinta ca alternativa era neoliberalismul. In realitate, asta e o afirmatie criminala, deoarece e ca atunci cand intr-o lume in care ar exista numai lupi si miei s-ar spune: 'Libertate pentru toti, iar lupii sa manance mieii'.
Se vorbeste acum despre reusitele acestui sistem al carui unic miracol a fost sa concentreze in a cincea parte din omenire mai mult de optzeci la suta din bogatie, in timp ce restul, marea parte a planetei, moare de foame in mizeria cea mai sordida."
Si pentru cei care au globalizarea la public speaking:
"In fiecare dimineata, mii de persoane reiau cautarea inutila si disperata a unui loc de munca. Sunt marginalizatii - o categorie noua, care ne spune foarte multe si despre explozia demografica, si despre incapacitatea acestei economii pentru care singurul lucru care de fapt nu conteaza este omul cu nevoile sale
Sunt marginalizati nevoiasii care raman in afara societatii pentru ca sunt de prisos. Nu se mai spune ca sunt 'cei de jos', ci 'cei din afara'. Sunt exclusi de la necesitatile minime de hrana, sanatate, educatie si justitie; sunt exclusi atat din orase, cat si din locurile lor de bastina. Iar acesti oameni care sunt zilnic lasati pe dinafara [...] reprezinta majoritatea.
[...]
Pentru a face rost de o slujba, oricat de prost platita, oamenii isi ofera vietile pe de-a-ntregul. Muncesc in locuri insalubre, in subsoluri, pe nave-fabrici, inghesuiti sub eterna amenintare de a-si pierde slujba, de a ramene pe dinafara.
Dupa cum se pare, demnitatea vietii omului nu a fost prevazuta in planul globalizarii. Nelinistea e singurul lucru care a ajuns pe culmi niciodata banuite.[...]"
"Intreaga educatie depinde de filozofia culturii care o carmuieste, si din cauza acestor imitatori obedienti ai 'tarilor avansate' - avansate in ce? - dam peste pericolul raspandirii si mai abitir al robotizarii."
"Acum catva timp am vazut un film extraordinar de Emir Kusturica despre disparitia Iugoslaviei. M-a impresionat sinceritatea cu care regizorul arata cruzimea acestei eterminari. Si cand i-am privit pe oamenii aceia din niste subsoluri dezgustatoare, hranind cu durerea lor viata unor indivizi meschini si nemilosi, am simtit ca era vorba de mare metafora a acestui timp in care ceva din umanitatea omului dispare.
O senzatie asemanatoare m-a surprins intr-o seara, in timp ce calatoream cu trenul. A intrat o femeie sfrijita, cu tenul masliniu, care, cu un acordeon prapadit, facea sa sune o muzica lugubra. {presimti?} Pe piept purta un afis in care scria ca trebuise sa fuga din Romania. Am ascultat melodia si am incetat s-o observ pe femeia aceea fara patrie si fara adapost, fara sa mai conteze ca venea din Romania, din Bosnia sau din fosta Iugoslavie. Era doar o fiinta pribeaga [...] Cand femeia s-a indreptat spre vagonul urmator, am intalnit privirea trista a unei fetite pe care o purta pe umeri. Asta m-a facut sa ma gandesc la ce se intampla: o lume care parea sa se indrepte spre propria dezintegrare, in timp ce viata ne privea cu ochii deschisi, flamanzi de atata umanitate."
"Tinerii sufera: ei nu mai doresc sa aiba copii.
Nu exista scepticism mai mare decat acesta.
Ca si animalele din captivitate, tinerele noastre generatii nu mai risca sa devina parinti. In asemenea hal a ajuns lumea pe care le-am incredintat-o. Anorecia, bulimia, drogurile si violenta sunt alte semne ale acestor vremuri de dispret fata de viata a celor care ne conduc.
Cum le-am putea explica bunicilor nostru ca am adus viata in asemenea hal, incat multi tiner mor pentru ca nu mananca sau varsa mancarea? Din cauza lipsei chefului de viat sau pentru a executa comanda data de televiziune: slabirea isterica. [...]
Totul ne duce cu gandul ca Terra se transforma intr-un desert suprapopulat. Nu e intamplator faptul ca, la una din ultimele conferinte ecologice, s-a avansat ipoteza unor razboaie, intr-un viitor nu prea indeparatat, pentru obtinerea apei potabile.
Acest peisaj funebru si nenorocit este opera acelei specii de insi care si-au ras de noi, bietii oameni care de atatia ani ii tot avertizam, acuzandu-ne ca avertismentele noastre sunt nascociri tipice pentru scriitori si poeti fantezisti.
Dupa aceasta inversiune semantica a limbilor lumii, epitetul de "realisti" se refera la acei indivizi care se caracterizeaza prin distrugerea oricarui fel de realitate, de la natura cea mai pura, pana in sufletele oamenilor si copiilor."
"In piata din fata garii, am stat sa privesc un baiat. Si am admirat inca o data cum, in copilarie, timpul trecea incet, ca si cum ar fi fost incremenit. Un infinit se intinde intre Boboteaza care a trecut si cea care va veni, iar anivesarile copiilor se succeda dupa atatea intamplari sau vise, incat urmatorul pare la fel de departe pentru ei ca batranetea insasi.
Aceasta oaza linistita face din copilarie perioada cea mai fertila si mai vulnerabila; copii impartasesc seninatatea copacilor si fecunditatea pamantului. Traiesc un timp care nu se mai sfarseste: cat mai este pana vine Craciunul? Cat mai e pana la ziua mea? Pentru ei trecutul nu exista, iar viitorul este invizibil. Si atunci, fiecare zi este eterna."
- Ernesto Sabato - Inainte de tacere

Pentru cei care mai vor, click aici pentru cateva pagini din carte:

Ernesto Sabato - Inainte de tacere (fragmente)

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Sink into it! (expand)

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

[The beggar] Part two

Part one
Part two
Part three
Part four
Part five
Part six
Behind the scenes!

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* * * Part two * * *

Susan was born when her parents were both eighteen. 'Life turned us towards love, and the love we shared blessed us with you. We'll always be there to protect you, just as we have been protected by God Himself, through love.' her parents said when she was little. She would never forget that, because, when she heard it the first time, it was like a glimpse of heaven. Even now, she encouraged herself, thinking: 'After all, love gives us hope. And hope is what makes every human being get up in the morning'
Life was good. It was great, in fact, and the more time passed, the more certain Susan was that happiness lasts forever.
There was a beautiful sunshine that day, and the feeling of waking up near her parents was marvelous. Her father was a tram driver, and he loved his job enormously. Her mom was a waitress, but, whatever one might think, they lived in a unimaginable happiness. Her folks said it was through love. They said everything in their lives was written with love.
Susan's family lived in a small flat, in Point Place, near the park. Her parents spent a lot of time with each other, talking about things unkown to her, at the time. But she was not curious - she knew that, if she were supposed to know, she'd be told about it. So years went by, and Susan grew up a beautiful, kindhearted girl, with the love inherited from her parents in her. She came to believe much of her parents' philosophy, such as the certainty of happiness, and belief in the power of sharing. Although her life was becoming increasingly busy, with boys being attracted to her, or girls envying her looks, or school getting more and more difficult, she did not feel any of this - she remained a child, her heart untouched. Until one day...
When she was sixteen, Susan's parents mentioned she has to learn something very important about their lives. 'What could it be?' she couldn't wait.

'Sweetheart, I want to speak to you about the world. See, I believe we can change it. And what I mean by that isn't concerning just us, as a family, but the entire human race. It's a cold world out there, without feelings. And, see, people have taken a lot of time to understand that feelings alone can't be a way of measuring and understanding things as they are. It made the world think that man is a rational being - which was never more wrong. I want to explain why I am who I am, and how does this world work. Listen to what I and your mom have to tell you' he said.
'I'm all ears, dad.'
'As a drop of water in the ocean creates circles, that run away, faster and faster, and shake the whole surface, even by a bit, love from one person spreads around into wonderful waves of happiness and warmth. Your father and I have never thought, before we met, that love could change that much. Each day, after work, we take long walks into the city, and looking for the right moments to help. Both of us have learned, the hard way, that help is not to be given with force - it must be asked for. Therefore, we search for any soul asking for help can, any heart wandering without end. We've been doing this since you were born, and we believe it has something to do with you.' said mom.
'Our lives have changed since you were born. And they are based, ever since, on what we feel, not think. We've never restricted you from anything, and yet you have never had a serious problem to discuss with us, you have never slipped your way, and you have been as freely raised as a daughter can be. We've never tried to force you into anything, but you were happy with everything about your folks', said that, anxiously.
'Yes, I was. I am!' she confirmed.
'I feel the world, and the world feels me. And what I feel inside made me lead a life this way. After a while of taking these walks, your mother and I started to notice some changes. Firstly, the newspapers kept talking about us, calling us "the people always at the right time". Everyone seemed to smile at us, knowing and admiring that we did not ask for anything, but given help. It's hard to describe, der, but what I feel when I'm out there is always connected to love, and to you. I see your mother's smile, full of innocence and happiness, and I cannot withhold from doing that myself. And then I see the world. I see my neighbor, returning my smile. For years after you were born, we have wondered what makes our look different from any other. I always thought "Why didn't people return smiles like that to each other, but always to us?". Was it because we were in love? But weren't they? If so, why? And how come?'
'It took some years of adventure, really', her mother said, 'but during this time, our love always grew. I stood at home with you, while you were little, and when your father came home we always had a wonderful dinner and then we took you to the park, remember?'
'Yeah', she whispered, thinking back 'tell me what you mean by all this, please', she was increasingly anxious.
'And after that, I took you from school, your father took you home, and in the evening we were all together. It is said that ignorance is blessing, and maybe that was true for us. We did not know much about the world when we met. We felt we want a place in it, and that - most importantly - we wanted the world to be happy when we were happy, why weren't they all happy? Whenever we asked, we got these scarce responses, like "My career is going down the drain", "I hate my life", "I hate my friends", "Nothing works out the way I want it to be". And what could I understand? What makes people sad? We had long talks with people, and they always told us we should become psychologists, or therapists, or something. What we always told them was this:
If the past doesn't satisfy you, if it empovers you, forget it. Go on without the past. Build a new life to believe in. Focus on what you want, and that will give you strength to succeed.' mom said.
'And after that they usually asked what makes us do this, talk to them, help them... And we didn't know why, we felt it. But if we stop to think of that, we'll never get to actually do it, I always told them. I guess we want to make a difference, in a way. Your mother and I believe that there's room for change in this world, and that people are only meant to help people, not themselves. Whenever they try to do something for themselves only, they tend to fail...'
Susan felt this. It was beginning to get interesting...
'Kids don't ever have a past. That's why they're so happy. And they get what they want. Whenever something bad happens, it just hits them without a harm - they are protected. By parents? Perhaps. By happiness? Quite possibly. By love? Certainly.' said mother.
'Some people may be inventors, some repairmen, some secretaries, scientists, artists, sailors... but every single one of them works not only for himself, but for others as well. We believe just a little change in ourselves can bring a little change in the world, too. Just as...'
'As a drop of water in the ocean creates circles, that run away, faster and faster, and shake the whole surface', Susan said.
'Great, you understand!' said both parents enthusiastically.
'Certainly. And it's so nice!'
'But, be careful, dear, because, however ready you might be for the world, the world might not be ready for you. You always have to wait, and be there, whenever needed. Because, as you cannot expect someone to listen while he's sleeping, and wait for that one to wake up, so you must wait for the world to embrace your presence. Your will never be unneeded if the world thinks you are. And the world is in need for more love...' father said.

'What a long evening that was!' thought Susan to herself. Her parents told her about the difficulty of being recognized and appreciated for what you really are, and the often case of being loved after you are gone from this world. She felt the world - a cold place in appearance, but always ready for love. 'Just like grass', she thought. She loved the grass. She couldn't tell why, but she loved to lie down and pretend to hug it, and somehow felt she was being hugged back. 'Although you couldn't see any love, it's there'. So, they told her more about their beliefs, their hopes, their dreams - and none seemed impossible to her. She loved every bit, and wished to carry on her parents' doings. What her parents didn't know was that she had written down all she could remember, since that day.

After a month or so, she told all this to Andrew.
'And where's that notebook now?', he asked.
'I lost it, about a month ago', Susan cried.
'It's okay. Please, don't cry. I don't want to see you upset, I hate it when people are sad; my father is, all the time.', worried Andrew.
She felt comforted. He sighed: 'But what about the accident?' he wondered. He couldn't ask her now, not while she was like this. He had to wait, he just had to wait. She promised to tell him.

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TO BE CONTINUED...

Sink into it! (expand)

Sunday, April 30, 2006

[The beggar] Part one

This is a scratch of a short story I'm about to write. It will make sense later, I promise. But if it makes you curious, let me know. Part two is to come in a few days...

Part one
Part two
Part three
Part four
Part five
Part six
Behind the scenes!

Prologue

Yesterday, my neighbor died. The official authorities said I can look around his home, and keep anything I would find, since there were no alive relatives found who could take care of the funeral and his left properties... not that there was much to be taken care of.
I went in. The air had the kind of "nobody's lived here for ages" smell. I could tell not even he lived here much. It was a flat. And his flat had only one room, except for the small bathroom. It was the only one of its kind in the building. I remember a long time ago, the owner decided to let him stay in this place - formerly the janitor's - for a small fee, since everyone living in this building were such clean working people.
I never knew much of this guy, but, when I came into his room, I had a strange sense I've been there before. In a past life, maybe? There was not much of it - it was not the common disorder, objects lying around, food, a fridge, not anything you'd expect to find in a home right after its inhabitant died. I looked around and saw a notebook. Nothing else caught my interest, so I thought that's the only thing I'll take, and leave.
I walked to the chair in front of me, where the notebook was, I took it, and then I turned around to leave...and I stopped after the first step, if I even got to take one; I stood there in amazement, at first. What I saw that moment changed my life, in a way. I decided to tell the owner I'd buy the place.

---

* * * Part one * * *

'I am here for you, I will always be', Andrew said. Just think about it: yesterday he wanted to go fishing, and he met this amazing girl on the way to the lake. How lucky! How would he have known an accident was about to happen on that lake? Will he had survived, then, if he had went? There was no way to know this, and he was aware of it. Besides, he had fallen in love now. There was no reason to ask any questions about the past - he should be happy.
'I mean, look at her', he thought. How lucky! She took his arms and put them around her waist, held him close and whispered: 'I will always be yours.'
Her name was Susan. She didn't even have a place to live until she met him.... After her father warned her, she wandered and found herself lying on this bench in the park. He found her sleeping, on his way to the lake, and she was covered in a thin layer of papers. The headline of one said "Major accident avoided at Point Place". She seemed to have had a rough time, judging by the look of her clothes - almost torn - and her expression.
She had just woken up, when she saw a boy passing by, wearing a funny hat. 'Hello, he said, are you alright?' Yes, she was, but she wanted to be held.
'Could you help me? I'm lost...'
'Sure. You're in Point Place Park, in Tringo. What can I do for you?'
'I need a place to stay, have you any idea where I can rent a room?', she said, dizzy with sleep.
'I have a sister, he said, she's living alone, closeby. Maybe she'll take you in, but you'll have to wash first', he smiled.
'Surely. Can you help me up and take me there?'
He didn't know who she was, or what she was doing there, but something told him she was nice. He wished he'd have a girl like that - with a soft voice, beautiful eyes, and that he could get away from his father's place. He decided to show her his sister's place. He felt a faint sense of admiration for how she were, alone in the park - he thought she was courageus. And she must have had an unusual time lately, to be where she was. He wished for something different in his life, too.

His sister was delighed to have someone to live with. They were both eighteen. Susan promised to get a job as soon as possible, and pay for her share of the rent, if they let her stay, of course.
Lilith decided to let her stay for a week, see how things were, and then talk about a longer period. Andrew thought it was a good idea.
Later that day, they heard an accident happened near the lake. Thank God he hadn't gone! Many people had died. Andrew and Lilith were really shocked.
'Let's go, I wanna see what happened' the sister said.
'Aren't you coming?' Andrew looked at the new girl.
'No. I know what it's about...'

He wanted to tell her he was grateful too. He wanted her to know how much she meant to him, and that she accidentally saved his life.
'It wasn't accidentally. Nothing ever is, in my life.' And she started crying...

And the story went on. Thus, in short time, she got a nice job, and contributed to the place a lot, his sister told him. And he would come to visit. He always asked her about the accident, but she did not want to talk. 'Not yet', she would say. 'Not until after I get some things done.'

A month after the accident she called him over.
'I have something very important to tell you. Listen to me, and then you'll tell me what we can do...'

After he heard the story he knew why she had that feeling when they met.
'I am here for you, I will always be', he said.

---
TO BE CONTINUED...

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Ce influenta au avut cuvintele autorului asupra ta?
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What do you think about this part of [The beggar]?
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What do you think about this part of [The beggar]?
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	I think you were too succint, the story seems rushed.
	Vaguely interesting.
	You haven't made me curious at all!
	It's kind of silly. I don't like it...
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what kind of relationship are you looking for Your Result: i wanna love you forever you are a person that is looking for love! deep passionate consuming love! your a hoppless romantic and love moonlit walks on the beach!YOU HEAR WEDDING BELLS
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Can you see it in yourself?

Sunday, May 07, 2006

[The beggar] Part three

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

"Inainte de tacere"

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

[The beggar] Part two

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Sunday, April 30, 2006

[The beggar] Part one

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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

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Paranoid Disorder:	Low
Schizoid Disorder:	Low
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Antisocial Disorder:	Low
Borderline Disorder:	Low
Histrionic Disorder:	Low
Narcissistic Disorder:	Moderate
Avoidant Disorder:	Low
Dependent Disorder:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	Low
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Will you still have dreams when you grow up (and if you are grown up, do you?) Dreams like what?
	No, give me a break!
	I can change the world!
	I've always wanted to become a star (singing, TV shows, etc)
	I'll be a scientist!
	To feel - that's what today's world needs. I'm gonna be an artist.
	My dreams are more realistic. I just wanna have a happy family and an acceptable job.
	Live happy, in love, all my life...
	Freedom is the way to happiness, really!
	World peace!
	I don't wanna grow up. My dream is to live my life the way it is - friends, family, lover.
	I've always wanted to meet aliens (maybe even be kidnapped!).
	The house of my dreams!
	I wanna be a traveler and rediscover the whole world!
	I dream of a perfect job...
	I'll grow up to be Don Juan.
	A secret agent suits me.
	I wanna be a chef (food is good).
	More than anything, I wanna work directly with people (psychologist, therapist, etc)
	Subway driver. (aka chicken!)
	Yes, but a different answer from those above.

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What do you think about this blog?
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Which of the following love quotes do you like best?
	To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others. - Anne-Sophie Swetchine
	Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be. - Anton Chekhov
	To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead. - Bertrand Russell
	To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. - David Viscott
	Love is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. - Erica Jong
	There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Henry David Thoreau
	I don’t think anyone can DO anything that would make him worthy of love. Love is a gift and cannot be earned. It can only be given.-Real Live Preacher
	To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. - Karen Sunde
	Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical. - Trey Parker and Matt Stone
	Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself. - Jean Anouilh

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Try to be honest: You are in the middle of the forest and have no idea which way is out. How do you feel? / What'll you probably do?
	I'm scared and I'll stay hidden until someone finds me.
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	Lemme get a rock and a stick and I'll live there with no problem!
	I will use my scientific knowledge to develop a certain plan of finding my way out, using any available resource.
	I don't care. I'll just walk around randomly.
	I will pinch myself trying to wake up!
	I'll make animal friends, like deer and possums and walk around talking to them (even though people may think I'm mad)
	I would never be in a forest. I hate that place.
	I'll dig down to China and hope I won't end up in another forest.
	I shall learn the language of the wild and become a ferocious predator.
	A different answer.

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