There may be something about life itself which is inimical to our desire for happiness

Most of the time we grope about quite blindly, driven by we know not what needs and in search of we know not what satisfactions.
- F&u

Hey there. Long time no see.
I'll save the "I plan/ed to do this or that" bits. I don't re-read my posts often enough to catch my own plans again. No more plans, not for a long time now. Just a clearer and clearer path.
So what has my life been like?
A series of fortunate and unfortunate events mixed together in a healthy blend -- and I say this because I believe it is (sort of) in the psyche's best interest to be continuously challenged and unsettled. As human beings, we deserve to rest - we do - but only 1% of the time, really! 99% life = fighting.
And so you can see why all of our time is so precious. We must fight all the time to get to where we want to be. So, here is a series of ideas that (hopefully) summarize what I've been up to for the past, oh, 6 or more months...

After years of living in this world we (sometimes) call our own, we come to know things, and - more importantly - think of them as certainties. But these certainties are almost never enough to offer guidance to our (confused) lives, to set forth a fixed path that we know 100% is the path we want to be on. And who are those lucky few that know their path? They are people with faith: religious, scientific, or any other kind that is spiritual and gives oneself a good reason to stay on it. Most of which, I believe, are lying to themselves. However, I also believe that some are on the right path, and are lucky enough to do great things through their beliefs.

And the thing is, as we grow up, we start realizing that there is no way, NO WAY we could do all of those things that we wish to do. We have to give some up, and confine ourselves onto this one path that (hopefully) leads somewhere. And that "somewhere", we think, would be more rewarding, in the end, than trying to fit everything in:

If a man could articulate his grievances about life so defined, he would perhaps complain first about the extensive deprivations to which he is subjected and secondly about the unsatisfactory nature of much of the experience permitted him. The distinction is not a perfect one: the two complaints sometimes tend to merge. Nevertheless, there can be no doubt that, quite apart from any specific dissatisfactions we may have about what befalls us, we are sometimes oppressed by the feeling that life is more limited and impoverished than it should be.
- F&u

So will I give up many goals, in order to achieve at least a few. But in the end, "Psychoanalysis teaches us that no infantile desires are ever entirely relinquished." (F&u)

What are my priorities now?
1. Never give up.
2. Hold as few certainties as possible, always expect the opposite (or another option) may be (also) true.
3. Constantly re-evaluate my standing and goals. Hold the same small bunch (1-5) at the top (I wish...)
4. Bring a contribution to this world that is meaningful to me, and that I feel measures up to my abilities.

My goals?
1. Develop my career.
2. Meet great people, meet (new) people, make connections. Love.
3. Travel.
4. Experience (the) unforgettable.
Alright. Sounds like a plan!

What's been happening with me?
I moved away from one university to another, and in doing so realized a great deal of things. I love to travel. I like moving around, starting over, meeting new people. I also like learning, adapting. Fitting in, yet standing out.
I lived a summer with an internship - *the* full-time job that I have never had before - and understand what it is like to work your ass off, to be involved and enjoying what you do, to meet great people. I realized what defines my kind of work.
I had friends from Romania close by, and made other close friends here -- and they have helped shape this past half of a year more than anything. I understand now more about myself than I ever did during my years in the US. I was a pretty well-balanced person before I came here, but now I feel stronger and more convinced than ever. I know not the entirety of who I am, but enough to proceed on the next step with more confidence, more hope, belief, and love than I had thought possible 2 years ago.

And you know what? I'm fighting for freedom. My freedom, and others' freedom. I need it for my goals. Do they seem selfish? I for one think that without a career, I cannot offer much. I will not rest until I get to where I want to be (that is, metaphorically speaking, and not in terms of location).

And I had hoped to write a story as well today, but time is an issue, and as such the story will have to wait for another time.

Thanks for being here with me. I will end with another passage that has helped me recently:

The painful truth is that at each stage of our lives we are dissatisfied, unhappy and anxious a large part of the time. No matter how often we are reminded of this fact by philosophers and religious seers – or, more agonizingly, by events in our own lives – we only occasionally and momentarily accept its validity. We cannot, of course, deny that pain, dissatisfaction and disillusionment are inevitable aspects of human experience, but we can and do seek to minimize their significance. For example, we may attempt to treat painful aspects of experience as exceptional or even accidental. No matter what we have gone through, we tell ourselves with a stubbornness which has something magnificent about it that the next phase of our lives will fulfill more of our longings and give us less cause to feel wretched. Only exceptional men, or the rest of us in moments of exceptional honesty, face the possibility that there may be something about life itself which is inimical to our desire for happiness.
- F&u

Source for quotes:
F&u - Simon O. Lesser - Fiction and the unconscious