Evelyn: Don't worry about 'why' when 'what' is right in front of you. (The Shape of Things)

Friday, October 06, 2006

Journal assignment

This is my journal assignment for the English course. Short and honest.


Thursday, September 28, 2006
Day one

It’s me. Again. But not again again, just… again. I had time today, after a while, to think more. I miss home, but I won’t write about that, again. Not again again…

I actually had a meaningful conversation today, and it’s been a while since that happened. You know, you never actually realize how much it matters to be “at the scene” to actually feel close to a place, part of it. I mean, … my friends are so busy now. And so am I. But, even though they write me about how Romania is, this and that, I don’t feel there anymore, I only feel what I know. And, I guess, to me, Romania will always be how I left it. And I talked to a friend about what’s up around there today... it was nice.

Hey, another thing, I walked home from DeAnza today! Really, I did… for the first time. It took me about half an hour, but it was worth it. I saw a kid riding his bike, he reminded me of Vince I just met in the English course: he likes riding bikes. And I thought I might get some roller skates and get home from school that way. But I prefer a car; I’d be able to go places easier… much easier. There’s no way you can do much here without a car! It’s not like a big city – Bucharest (or San Francisco), or anything else, where you just have everything you need in your walking area. Or great public transportation.

I way saying I had time today. What do you think, ey? Well, if I had time for you, I must have had time for lots of other things as well, you think... Cause, diary, although you are you, you are last on the list. That’s why I don’t keep writing every day; but when I do, I fill (actually flood) pages and pages, and pages…

I still don’t feel fully settled in US, you know? I can’t wait to be back on this paper one day and write: “Hey, I love it here! I remember how it all started, but it worked out great. I’ve got new great friends and a place for myself, a ton of dreams and a piece of paper to share these words with, etc”

But there’s time… and time is on my side. Yet.


Friday, September 28, 2006
Day two

I like counting days. That’s why I put the day number up here, everyday; maybe because I’m young I like to count them…

So, how was today? Is that what you’re expecting?

Today was great! It might have been the start of a beautiful friendship: I met a guy and I think we get along well. Although he’s American, he didn’t mind me saying that I think American people are cold(er) than Romanians. He said Europe is much better, and he likes it. I felt understood.

[...]

I even started a new math seminar today (or better said it started and I joined), and it’s a lot about problem solving. I might like it… and it sounds promising.

Even my calculus class went alright. I might have a new friend there, too… She’s from Iran. And we talked a bit in class. It’s nice that someone I could meet is potentially from any country in the world. I like that, it’s new to me.

Tomorrow’s Saturday, and my family and I are probably going somewhere; can’t wait!


Saturday, September 30, 2006
Day three

I woke up earlier than expected, for a Saturday, and I washed my face and signed in on Yahoo. I wanted to talk with my friends, like I usually do Saturday morning. And we talked, and talked.

My brother woke up late, and then spent another few hours playing/lying in bed, so we moved slowly. But we decided to go to Monterey. We ate at Bubba Gump, oh yeah! And I loved it!

Everyday I spend outside home I realize some new think about the US. I like the streets, and the buildings. The nature here has always been kind of impersonal for my picture of what’s actually “natural”. It’s too uniform, too… similar. I’m used to trees growing tilted and never being alike, each having perhaps a hollow or something… different. Not even two strings of grass have the same shape … they shouldn’t. Oh, anyway. Maybe it’s because I’m European, but, as a human being, any genetic or some similar sort of treatment to the environment does not sound ok with me…

Back to Monterey… I can’t believe how much I ate! There’s been 5 hours since then, and I’m still full. I’m probably not going to eat until tomorrow! Wow!

So, what am I trying to say? I guess this day meant something because I thought about many things all over again.

And I was the driver all the way – all 150 miles both ways; and I loved it! And we saw some interesting places, took some nice pictures… and, that’s the short story. I’m feeling short in writing right now… so… see you tomorrow!


Sunday, October 01, 2006
Day four

I didn’t do much today, and I think I caught a cold. Damn. Well… since I was kind of sick, I didn’t get out of the house, and I programmed most of the time, instead. I finally got around finishing the software me and my brother started.

And before that I read for my philosophy class – Rene Descartes. Wow! That guy really had a lot to say! I was reading his thoughts, right there on the paper, and how clearly he spoke to himself. He was actually doing something! I enjoy picturing myself in other people’s shoes (and I think most people do, and they do that because sometimes their own life is ‘already known’, not so exciting, or … even worse), so I took my time. I tried to understand what he was saying… about what’s real and what’s not. Reality might not be real, according to him, and many others. Because, he says, we can’t really tell when we’re asleep and when we’re awake, there’s just a vague feeling of that; but some dreams can be so real, and some facts seem so imaginary… “I think, therefore I am”, that’s his famous phrase. So, on the other way around, it would become “I am not, therefore I do not think”, which makes sense too!

I was thinking… how human beings actually fool themselves each day with untruths, and how true it is that we base our lives on things that are mostly made up… concepts, ideas, yeah… few of them are actually supported by facts. But that’s the nature of our mind – enquiring, curious, desiring… a quest, yeah! I like quests, and I like reason… I might be more of an introvert than an extrovert, but I think I socialize all the time… Well, except when I’m not. Ha, what a smart answer! Anyway… enough is enough. I think that, if you wanna clear your mind, you should write, and write a lot. And think about little in many ways… the infinite sides of truth, something like that. I could write a book with that title (if it hasn’t already been written…)

I’ve got some books now, and I’ll probably start reading “Fast food nation” after I finish my own. A clear line, a story, something to put my mind against, always clears my head… makes me feel… capable and coherent. Nice!


Monday, October 02, 2006
Day five

My cold is getting better, I think.

We got the math exam back today, and I scored higher than I thought I would…

Gee, I feel great! My dad came back from Romania, and he brought me something from my dearest friend. She got me two books: Paulo Coelho – The Valkyries (his latest) and Maeve Binchy – Scarlet Feather, which I left her before I came to the US. I can’t wait to read them, someday… And I also got a letter and some Disneyland stuff!

Oh boy, long distance is really not that big a deal in days like these… it makes me feel much closer to home. And also cared about. This is another day when I think about my place here, and I’m sure I’ll find one…

I played tennis, and relaxed a bit…

I could say that today was the kind of “one step forward” day, when I get closer to my goals and further from loneliness. I guess I’m afraid of being lonely, to some extent… even though I never actually am, anymore…


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