Evelyn: Don't worry about 'why' when 'what' is right in front of you. (The Shape of Things)

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Giving up is hardest?



Alex Hitch Hitchens, from Hitch - the movie:
- One dance, one look, one kiss, that's all we get, Albert. Just... one shot, to make the difference between happily ever after, and 'oh? he's just some guy I went to something with once.'

But what if we don't even get that?...
---
I had my chance, I lost it. I'm a dreamer. I have to wake up.
"Please wake up", she begged.

...But he won't wake up.
"Were you here all this time? Where were you?"
But he left. He left a long time ago.
"Were you ever here?"
He was not sure. But what he felt... was sure. The moment they met was still with him. The errors, the dreams, they had THAT something. They probably never understood each other, maybe they never will. He had hope...
"I shouldn't have left", he said like he was there. But he wasn't. "I'm not sure I deserve an explanation even."
She didn't cry. She was way past that.
They were far away. They weren't even understanding each other. They were strangers.
"I need to hear your voice", he said, "if there was anything we ever had worth anything, we should at least try to make sense of who we are now. I WAS with you, I WAS yours, you had me..."
She did. There were times when he forgot himself, times when she forgot herself. They were together. But she didn't want to think about anything anymore. She didn't hate him. She still felt something. Something... maybe hurt?
He always thought he knew her, he knew everything, but he was wrong. They were both wrong. Somehow, they only knew each other barely. And they lost touch. They were away. Far, far away...
But their love was real. "Everyone loves in their own way," he said, "and our love was real. You might be my someone. I'm acting crazy, I know. I ruined you, your life... with your help."
He did. She helped. She was far away, he didn't understand a thing. He couldn't even grasp what she felt, or who she was now.
"You said you had nothing before I came along. I'm not arguing for me here, but I did give you dreams, hope, love, faith. You gave me all those too. There might be everything wrong now, but my love for you was never stronger. You'd be surprised to realize how much people can do for love, you did much yourself... and we believe. Or believed...", he cried.
There was no hope. No way back. No. This was real. This was life. They were far, far away. She had rethought everything. Him too. He was always pushy, begging for her to come back, wanting her for his happiness no matter how harmful he was to her.
"We don't need to start over," he whispered, "that's not possible. You think I'm stupid, foolish, crazy? I asked myself if what I feel is THAT love, or something foolish, selfish, ... childish. You did love me differently. But what I feel is love too. Maybe I just didn't show you this love. I think I did, but you were looking for something else. What are you looking for? Why are you fooling yourself again? Why am I fooling myself again?"
She almost hated him. She knew one thing, though: she would never come back. Never. Yet he still seemed to think that she might. Was there no hope of this ever ending? Then she would end it herself.
"I'm not here as a kid anymore. I'm here as the grown-up. And I'm here believing that all this time we did so much wrong. But, see, what we had right, was our trio: love, hope, faith. Those which you have taught me about. We might have had them in different ways, but we did do everything together. I did share my life with you, I believed, I loved, I gave myself. You had a more mature view upon everything. You still do. Call me crazy, but that makes us even more meant to be: you lived your childhood with me. You learned to feel love with me. You wanted to love me this much. And I wanted to believe in you, I believe... that's why I'm so crazy. I can't see anything but happiness with you. But that's not just happiness for me... that's for us. For US. WE CRIED TOGETHER FOR HOW HAPPY WE WERE, for heaven's sake! And you're telling me I'm destroying you? We didn't know anything about anything before we met. We didn't know what would happen if I left, we didn't even know how to act. You were strong, you were yourself. I was strong, I was myself. I didn't make you be... You exhausted yourself, you tortured yourself, and I couldn't see. We should have just kept quiet about everything and should have just written letters to each other instead. Just talk on the phone maybe. We might have lived. But now... we're dead. And I'm telling you, I still love you, dammit! I LOVE YOU! Now, if there's anything still left in your heart, you won't think about us anymore. Maybe you don't already. I hope, I pray that one day you will see me again. That one day we will meet again and you will open your heart, because, God, baby, I'm crazy in love with you. I love you even more now... You are still my someone. You gave me strength to see myself through your eyes, and now feel like I'm going to die. Die, and love you..."
Now she hated him. Or...

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Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Movie of the month

Since September 2006, I'll post a movie here each month. From any time, any place. Just one I liked, and why...

2007:
August's Choice:

Meet Joe Black

  1. Genre: Fantasy/Mystery/Romance

  2. IMDB link to here
  3. Personal review:
    A magical movie, fantasy indeed. Just the lines, music, the whole idea of death incarnate and causality, philosophy of life and death, in short... they all make this movie worth seeing. The trio of actors play amazing roles, and they play them so well...
  4. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Music (5)
    • Original/Intriguing (5)
    • Emotional (5)


April's Choice:

Nicholas Sparks Movies
  1. Genre: Love Story

  2. IMDB link to author: here
  3. Personal review:
    For whoever has seen "Love story", movies like "A walk to remember", "The Notebook" and "Message in a bottle" are amazing. The soundtrack for the first one, especially, is unbelievable. If I've ever met someone that knows how to portray love in the deepest, noblest and most sublime circumstances, this is the guy.
  4. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Music (5)
    • Original/Intriguing (5)
    • Emotional (5)
Spend a day thinking about your love...


March's Choice:

Happy Feet
  1. Genre: Animation / Adventure / Comedy / etc
  2. IMDB link
  3. Personal review:
    This movie has the best soundtrack I've heard in a very long time! The story is penguinish, like we're starting to see more and more nowadays, and it is related to a documentary made on the little guys... Love, happiness, it's like a childish musical! Find out the story of Mumble Happyfeet!
  4. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Music (5)
    • Original/Intriguing (4)
    • Funny (5)
Find the song of your heart...

February's Choice:

Mr Fix It
  1. Genre: Comedy / Romance
  2. IMDB link
  3. Personal review:
    What if you were the guy that fixes all relationships, but you don't believe in love? Perhaps, in fact, that's what helps you do this job with such great success - you always get your client his girl back! This is a way to look at how "cheap" love around us actually is, and how life makes it that you stop believing in it. But then, something happens...
  4. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Contemplative (3)
    • Intricate/Complex (3)
    • Original/Intriguing (4)
    • Funny (4)
Just another way you end up believing in love...

January's Choice:

Just like heaven
  1. IMDB link
  2. Personal review:
    Fictive situation, but one that really makes you think about what love means to you and how unusual us men and women are reacting to it. Love can change the world, and even defeat death. If you're a believer, then I strongly recommend it. And, anyway, you should see it... it might change your view of what's your life like, and what really matters.
  3. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Contemplative (5)
    • Intricate/Complex (5)
    • Original/Intriguing (5)
A superb movie... it changed my days.

2006:
December's choice:

Pursuit of happyness
  1. IMDB link
  2. Personal review:
    Go see this with your family. The time you're there makes you think about you and your parents' life more than anything. The mispelling of happYness is intentional, great actually... has to do with the building where the main character's child stays during the day. Nothing I could say would describe the atmosphere in this movie properly. If you've seen movies that show how life is hard, yet also show it's best if you don't give up hope, this lies right beside them.
    Also, it's realistic and discusses that bit of the constitution that claims every human being has the right to pursue happiness...
  3. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Contemplative (5)
    • Intricate/Complex (5)
    • Realistic & makes you think (5)
Read the trivia and goofs after you see the movie! See if you notice them. I didn't...

November's choice:

The Lake House
  1. IMDB link
  2. Personal review:
    Sometimes, it does not matter what you limit reality to. This is an example of a movie where you are asked to disregard time, and look into the people. It's a movie about love, and, for those who know, it has to do with the book Persuasion (forgot the author, you can check in the movie), a story about second chances, kind of. I've felt different after seeing this, and... love felt different too. Makes you think and ponder. Besides, Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves play well together.
  3. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Captivating/Attractive (4)
    • Intricate/Complex (5)
    • Funny & makes you think (5)
  4. Soundtrack link (great soundtrack!)
  5. Genre: Drama / Fantasy / Romance
The other stuff (trailer, pics) can be found on IMDB.

October's choice:

The wild
  1. IMDB link
  2. Personal review:
    Interesting enough, a story about a father and his son - as lions. See, cartoons characters may always be kind of a joke, because they are "for kids", but, actually, they can make you think. A story like in this movie is broad and general, and I always enjoy the friendships and funny jokes cartoons pull-up. If you're a fan of 3D sweet family&friends cartoons, this is for you!
  3. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Captivating/Attractive (4)
    • Intricate/Complex (3)
    • Funny & makes you think (4)
  4. Soundtrack link (best I could find)
  5. Genre: Animation / Adventure / Comedy
The other stuff (trailer, pics) can be found on IMDB.

September's choice:

Click (2006)
  1. IMDB link
  2. Personal review:
    Adam Sandler is an actor I like to see on the stage, because he always manages to look outsmarted (really well!), and that's funny. Also, the point of the film, although not so obviously represented (due to the fact that it's meant to be a cute comedy) is that, in your right mind, YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO SKIP MOMENTS OF YOUR LIFE. And the bottom line is this: learn from the bad, enjoy the good.
    Actually, the behavior of the remote he uses is quite an interesting metaphor for real-life people and how they end up playing the "game of life", so think about that.
  3. Personal scores (scale 1-5):
    • Captivating/Attractive (4)
    • Intricate/Complex (2)
    • Philosophy/makes you think (4)
  4. Soundtrack link
  5. Genre: Comedy / Drama / Fantasy
The other stuff (trailer, pics) can be found on IMDB. If you see/have seen the movie, let me know what you think. Thanks, and enjoy!

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Evident ca pare clar.

Sunt prea multe de spus, si oare cate n-au mai fost spuse?
Permite-mi sa fiu original... (dar pot?)

Deschid geamul in fiecare dimineata. Camera e aceeasi, dar ceva e diferit... m-am trezit in mijlocul povestii. Uneori, parca imi povestesc viata mea la persoana a treia. Hmm. Dar cum? De ce?

1- Esti fericit?
2- Nu... nu sunt.
1- Deci esti nefericit?
2- Nici asta n-as putea sa spun.
1- Atunci ce ai?
2- Nevoie de o pauza.
1- De?
2- O pauza de respiratie. Stii, pana la urma nu am coborat. Nu m-am incalcat pe mine, sau cel putin nu inca. Si, totusi...
1- Da. Neliniste, suparare, nesomn...
2- Incepe scoala pentru unii...
1- Si pentru altii a inceput demult.
2- Da. Neliniste, suparare, nesomn...
1- Nu pari prea optimist. Esti?
2- Da, sunt foarte optimist.
1- Si unde te indrepti?
2- Hmm. Greu de spus. Dar stiu ce vreau. Sunt o persoana hotarata.
1- Si?
2- Si care-si poarta singura de grija. Nu astept de la nimeni nimic. De ce? Numai dezamagiri. Suferinta. Gauri, gauri, gauri... si acum... sunt liber. Si sunt cu mine. Am eu grija de mine, ca si pana acum de fapt.
1- Si esti suparat?
2- Da. Tot timpul.
1- De ce?
2- De fraier. Asa se intampla cand astepti de la ceilalti.

Care sunt eu? Niciunul. Nu... de ce? Radical diferit! 1 nici nu exista. 1 e imagine fidela a unui psihiatru absent. Ce ar zice 1 despre 2? 2, evadeaza! Fugi! Ti-o ia viata inainte, trece pe langa tine, si nici macar nu recunosti ca te afunzi. Dar esti optimist, pentru ce? Ti se promite ceva? Te arunci, de ce? Te arunci intr-o parte dupa ce te-ai retras din alta. Controleaza-te! Esti doar un copil. Esti mai mic si decat Paul, ia uite!

Ah! Cat de enervant! De ce? Totul e enervant atunci cand e pe dos. Suparare, neliniste, nesomn... e recursiv, cine stie cand se va opri? Incredere, ce-i aia? Dar uite, fara incredere nu poti schimba nimic. Ai nevoie de zile in care sa speri, zile in care sa te umpli de putere si sa dormi. Sa visezi liber si sa nu te trezesti intr-un cosmar. Sa nu te prefaci, sa expui ceea ce esti. Zile libere, zile... existentiale! Cand vor veni ele, vor veni si regretele. Pentru ca pana atunci ai fost amorf, ai fost pierdut in suparare, neliniste, nesomn. Te-ai invartit in jurul cozii. N-ai invatat. Te-ai certat cu toti. Asa se-ntampla... ne trezim, privim inapoi, si observam ce a trecut. Pacat. Dar fiecare zi e un nou inceput. Si cum in fiecare ora e un loc pe planeta unde incepe o noua zi, un nou inceput are loc mult mai des decat ne-am imagina noi!

Nu te preseaza nimeni. Acorda-ti zile... iarta-te pe tine. Inca n-ai facut nimic, e usor sa te ierti. Si, chiar daca ai facut, tot cu acest pas incepe. Altfel te gandesti la tine cu senzatia ca te gandesti la altii. Egoismul mascat. E groaznic. Nu numai ca nu treci peste, dar te intorci inapoi. Te intorci la ceea ce erai inainte sa fii ce erai inainte. Intelegi? Inainte...
Da, recursiv. Si cine erai inainte? In ce credeai inainte? Iti mai aduci aminte, macar?
Te afunzi si ai senzatia ca de fapt razbesti la suprafata. Cat de ironic. Cat de perfida e realitatea cu tine. Si ceilalti, cati oameni iti duc grija! Si lipsa! Dar nu mai vezi, esti undeva, adanc... Nici pe mine nu ma vezi, nici macar aceste cuvinte, si nu ma auzi. Orice iti confirma gandurile, banuielile acum. Nimic nu te mai atinge. Dar...

Sigur ca inseamna ceva. Totul inseamna ceva. Viitorul e cel care vrem sa insemne, si trecutul e cel de care fugim atunci cand vrem asta mai mult ca oricand. Ptiu! Pazeste-te de evadatorul de trecut. Cel care a inteles. Si a mers mai departe... sarind peste podul cazut. De ce, de ce n-ai construit podul? Acum ai o gaura. Dar poti macar sa nu maresti acea gaura... Ai grija de tine.

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Monday, January 22, 2007

Sunt mic, mic. Dar insotit de 6 litere.

Trece timpul pe langa mine... trece viata pe langa mine? Cum se face ca parca n-am disperat vreodata? Am stat calm. "Da, Paul, nimic nu e grav." (Note: This is a lie.)
Ei bine, acum e grav. E timpul...

... sa dau tot ce e mai bun. De la cer pana la pamant nu voi renunta la ceea ce cred. De ce? Pentru ca, in unele momente ale vietii, tot ce-ti mai ramane e ceea ce crezi. Iti doresti, visezi, traiesti... implinesti vise, dar viata trece... si tot cu ceea ce e cel mai important ramai. Ce e cel mai important pentru mine? Nu pot sti cu siguranta, pot simti. Asta cred. Asta simt. Si acum simt ca cel mai important nu e ce, ci cine. Nu, nu e frica mea de singuratate. Nu, nu e dorinta mea de a fi recunoscut. Toate sunt acolo, desigur, dar nu ele sunt. Sunt un copil rasfatat, stiu... Dar uneori e deajuns sa simti, si sa abandonezi totul... pentru ca ai inteles. Sa fugi. Sa te opresti si sa privesti. Apoi sa te intorci. Sau poate nu. Dar orice ar fi, orice s-a intamplat, realizezi ceva. Despre tine, si despre ceilalti. Despre ce si cine conteaza...

Sunt mic. Ma simt atat de mic... si, foarte ciudat, si lumea mi se pare atat de mica. Am citate peste citate, intelgeri peste intelegeri. Viata ma urmareste... nu stiu daca si pe tine. La fiecare pas mi se arata cate un semn, in fiecare clipa am parte de-o coincidenta. Coincidente in care nu cred. Si coincidente care inseamna ceva, ceva special... Pornesc radioul, aud melodia... ma pierd. Citesc o carte, descopar un citat, ma pierd... Privesc o poza, vad frunze. "Ce vezi?" Acelasi lucru. Mereu. Mereu. Si ce e si mai ciudat e ca sunt mic, sunt prea mic, Doamne! De ce asa de mic? De ce nu candva cand as putea sa fiu mai mare, sa pot sa fiu mai intreg... sa nu ma simt atat de inutil? De ce acum cand nu pot sa lupt cu toata energia pe care-as putea sa o ofer? Sunt mic. Pierdut. Pierdut... in realitate.

Bine-am venit! Welcome! Bienvenue!

Si maine ce se va intampla? Da, stiu, o iau de la capat. Dar macar sa cresc. Stii, intr-o zi nu se va mai repeta... intr-o zi vom fi mari. Intr-o zi voi putea implini toate acele vise. Intr-o zi voi fi mai mult decat eu... si pana atunci imi voi ingadui sa visez, chiar daca poate din ce in ce mai putin. Poate intr-unele zile si sa sper. Sunt mii de cuvinte nerostite. Sute de sentimente neimpartasite. Milioane de realitati nesimtite de catre celalalt. Dar ceva e... si oricat de mult m-as pierde eu, oricat de mult s-ar pierde orice altceva si oricine altcineva... acel ceva ramane. Si are 6 litere. Sau opt. Si uneori e tot ce-a mai ramas...
... si uneori e retoric totul...

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Saturday, January 20, 2007

Nimic nou sub soare...

As I've been trying to say, I've started to post some things on another site (a couple of weeks ago actually): http://gewissen.wordpress.com
[RO] To address my Romanian readers, but not a last post:

Dragi cititori, cei care ati mai ramas in viata pe blogul meu anyways... Nu inchid blogul, nu am de ce. Doar m-am hotarat sa incep ceva mai... organizat, si dupa ceva experienta la bloguit m-am saturat sa tot schimb template-ul in incercarea de a gasi o imagine mai personala si calda a sitului. Oricum am schimbat-o mi s-a spus (si de cele mai multe ori am fost de acord) ca a devenit mai putin personala, mai rece. Asa ca scriu... in mai multe parti...

Azi a fost o zi in care am dat la o parte panza de sentimente, frustrari, si tensiune care s-a asternut de-a lungul lunilor mele Americane, si am vazut ceva mai mult din mine. Gauri, mici sau mari. Determinarea cu care am venit aici sa fac din lumea asta lumea mea si sa nu ma schimbe ea pe mine. Pare-mi-se (un cuvant special pt mine ce mai) ca am crescut putin. Am avut vise multe inainte sa vin, dar stiti ce? Am crescut. Si eu, si visele. Si visele nu erau doar ale mele. Si nici nu sunt. Sunt ale noastre... Nu am renuntat sa lupt, dar am invatat inca lucruri noi despre ce inseamna 'a lupta'. Viata mea imi cere mult mai multa maturitate decat credeam (ce surpriza). Multe din cele ce credeam ca sunt 'acceptabile' sau 'trecatoare' s-au dovedit a fi gresite, si nu doar pentru ca s-a schimbat locul unde ma aflu. Nu, chiar erau gresite. Trebuia sa vad asta. Azi, consemnez: cresc. Poate ce v-as ura eu voua daca ati spune acelasi lucru: nu uita sa pastrezi copilul din tine acolo unde el chiar era la locul lui...
Da, copilul vreau sa ramana in viata. Poate de asta tin la mine. Altfel, sunt doar un oarecare. Prin el am si realizat ca sunt in stare sa ma comport, in sfarsit, nu numai la modul "da-mi aia, vreau aia, nu vreau sa accept aia". Acum accept. Invat. Traiesc. Cresc.
Suntem liberi... si sunt momente cand cred ca pot vedea dincolo de toate pretextele, pot vedea... in realitatea mea. Si nu numai a mea... Dar ma vei recunoaste, voi fi acelasi din prima clipa, si mai mult. Nu te voi striga. Am invatat. Am acceptat.
Accept. Invat. Traiesc. Cresc. Cresc.

Si oare cui ii pasa de toate astea? Nu conteaza. Consemnez... pentru mine macar. Cu pasi mici, incet-incet... cu optimism sau nu... dar trebuie sa supravietuim, nu? Fiecare dintre noi. Oricat mi-as dori uneori sa pot face orice... Poate intr-o zi chiar o sa fac ceva pentru lumea asta. Pentru ceilalti... caci eu singur nu contez. Dar cresc. Cresc. Si invat. Accept. Traiesc... Pentru cine stie piesa de teatru, "Si fluturii sunt liberi"... vreau sa zbor si sa zambesc cu toata fiinta... Te salut, realitate! Bine-ai venit!

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Monday, January 01, 2007

Which type of superhero are you?

I took this poll to see and...

Here's my results.

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